Chapter 51-Second Chances

The days ticked by and with each one that passed without contact from Marcus saddened me more.  Carter tried so hard to keep me positive but it wasn't his job to clean up the mess I had made for myself.  I was thankful for his friendship, but I was starting to feel guilty.  I was getting much more out of it than he was although he never complained.  If he wasn't working, he was at my house.  I was not comfortable at his because I was never sure when David would come home.  The last time I was over was a nightmare.  Carter was out on the phone because there was some issue at the hospital so I decided to cook him dinner.  I thought he ate out way too much and greasy diner food just wasn't healthy.
"All you need is to be in a french maid outfit and this would be perfect."
"Don't you have some poor naive girl to go corrupt?"  I replied closing the door to the refrigerator.
"I rather spend my night with a more experienced woman such as yourself." Their kitchen was small and he closed the distance between us quickly.  He pinned me up against the refrigerator.

"You know you want me.  You just like playing hard to get.  I don't mind the chase will make my prize at the end all that more enjoyable."
He leaned it to try and kiss me but I turned my head.  I tried to shove him off but he wouldn't budge.
"Get off of me you jerk.  You are seriously delusional if you think I would ever let you touch me!"
"Oh not only will you let me, you'll be begging me to."
"David what the hell are you doing?"

I was so glad Carter walked back in.  David stepped back and I quickly moved away.
"We were just talking."
"She's pregnant for goodness sakes.  Why can't you just leave her alone."
David didn't say anything.  He just winked at me then walked out.

"Are you ok?"
I just nodded my head. 
"Why are you his friend?  He's such a slime."
"It's a long story for another time.  I'm sorry he won't leave you alone.  He's use to women falling all over him.  Let's just go out for dinner."
"That's ok.  I've lost my appetite."
Carter walked me home.  I took a nice long hot shower then went to bed.

The next morning I woke up got dressed and started my daily routine of cleaning the house.  When my phone started ringing I assumed it was Carter checking on me.
"Hello."
"Hey beautiful."
My heart skipped a beat.  It was nice to hear his voice again, but I was nervous about what he was going to say.
"Marcus, I didn't think I would hear from you again."
"I know, I'm sorry.  I needed to think a bit and it just took longer than I expected.  Is this a good time for us to talk?"
"Yes, sure."
"Ok great."  Then the phone went dead.  I didn't know if he hung up or if the line just went dead.  As I started to redial him there was a knock at my door.

"I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone."
I stared at him.  He had flown back and that made me more nervous than ever.  I didn't have time to say anything as he pulled me into a kiss.  Once I got over the brief shock, I eagerly kissed him back.
"I didn't get to give you a proper hello last time."

He flashed his dazzling grin at me and my heart fluttered. 
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm good.  Carter does a great job looking after me."
"Do I need to be jealous of Carter?"
"No.  He's just a friend."
We settled into a silence.  Neither of us wanted to start the topic of the real reason he was here.
"Amari, I need to know.  Are they really mine?"
It was a legitimate question considering the circumstances but it hurt all the same that he felt he had to ask it.
"Yes.  You're the only person I've been with since the twins died."  I spoke softly rubbing my belly not wanting to meet his gaze.
"Ok.  Well then I want to know it all.  You are going to be the mother of my children so no more secrets.  No more coded talk about complications.  I have the same right to know whatever it is that he knows.  Then I can decide for myself where I go from there."

I thought over my reply carefully.  He was right in a way but I still doubted his ability to understand and accept me fully.  I was cheating him out of making the choice for himself, but I wanted to protect myself from the pain of rejection.
"What if I can't tell you?"
"I don't see it as you can't but instead that you won't.  If that is the case, then there is no way for us to move forward.  There would be no trust between us."
It was obvious that he has spent a lot of time thinking this over.  It was either all or nothing, I knew he'd be there for the kids but our friendship would be over.
"I have to do something."
"What?  Now?"
"Yes.  I want to tell you, I really do but first I need to do something.  Can you give me two hours?"
"Two hours.  I can do that."
Marcus left and for the first time I drove the car he gave me to go see him.

I hadn't seen or talked to Mulo since the day he came by the house.  I knew he was around, invading my dreams.
"You know it's customary to at least send a thank you card when someone gives you a gift."
"Yes you're right, it was very rude of me not to call and thank you."
My heart was racing.  I wasn't sure if he knew why I was there, if he did he didn't let on to that fact.
Can I offer you something to drink?"
"No, um I came to talk to you."
"Only talk, where's the fun in that?"
I could do this.  I could make it through this without getting sidetracked.  I had to.

"Mulo."
"You can stop now.  I already know what you're going to say.  We've been down this road before and you know how that ended."
"But it's different this time.  I want to, no I'm going to tell him the truth about everything."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am.  I have to.  From the moment I met you I have been confused and controlled and I don't want that.  Sometimes I wonder if...I...if I really love you or if it's just you making me."  I wanted to take the words back as soon as they were out.  The look on his face was frightening.

"Is that what you really think?  Do you think I control your heart racing when I walk into the room?  Do you think I control the change of your breathing when I get near you?  Do you think I control the look of desire in your eyes when I kiss you?  You loved me before we met, I didn't control that.  I may have used it to my advantage a time or two but you my dear love me all on your own."
I diverted my gaze from his.  He was correct but sometime I just wasn't sure.  He had put me through so much and I couldn't understand how I could still love such a man.
"I'm sorry." I said placing my hands on his chest.  "But can you understand why I would think that?"
Mulo was silent.

"Please let me go.  I want a chance of normal.  Is that so much to ask for?"
"Your life is not one for normal any longer." 
"But I could have something close.  I need that and if you truly loved me you would understand that."
He turned and walked away from me.  He was seething with anger.
"Mulo please.  This isn't good for either of us, you have to see that."
"I won't allow it."
I walked up behind him and nestled my head on his back.

"You know my heart and my head.  I do love Marcus but I'm only in love with you.  I need this.  Please let me just try.  If he doesn't understand, and leaves me I will never ask anything like this of you again.  But if he can accept me, then I want to have normal for as long as I can.  You know the saying if you love something let it go.  Please I'm begging you to let me go."
He took deep controlled breaths.  We stood there neither of us wanting to speak, our relationship however undefined as it was, was torture for both of us.  I didn't want to let go so I tightened my arms around him.
"Get out."
"What?"

In one swift movement he was standing behind me holding me tightly.  He gently caressed my face before whispering "He won't last.  When you come crawling back, and you will come crawling back, I make no guarantees that I will want you then.  Now get out!"  He walked away and I left.  I was shaking when I got to my car.  I wasn't sure what reaction I was expecting, why I thought he would understand that I needed this.

I had about half an hour to calm my nerves before Marcus would be back.  I just hoped things would go smoothly and he wouldn't think I was a complete nut job.  I really wished I could drink right now because I sure could use one.  I nearly jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang.

"Hey.  You came back."
"You said two hours."
"Ok let's sit.  I'm going to tell you a story and at the end of that story you will know why I tried to not have you involved and I hope you understand.  If you don't, I won't be angry I only ask two things.  One still be a part of your children's lives.  Two tell no one else.  This isn't easy for me and I rather not be made a spectacle of."
"I can do that."

I started fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.  Marcus took my hand and smiled at me.  With that I let it go.  I told him about Mulo and meeting him.  I told him about Drake and Jesse.  I let him know about Marisol and how my dad had traded me and Amella to her to keep his secret.  I did fudge on what that secret was.  I couldn't tell him that my dad use to be a vampire or that two of my kids were.  I kept the whole vampire thing out of the story.  I know it wasn't completely honest of me, but I didn't want to sound any crazier than I already did.  When I was finished he sat in a stunned silence.
"So...your dad who was a cop, use to be some sort of criminal.  He dated this Marisol but dumped her after forcing her to have an abortion.  She then threatens to turn him in unless you give her 100 babies to replace the one she lost.  And she killed or had your sister killed as a warning she was serious.  Did I miss anything?"
I shook my head.
"That is quite a complication."

"I understand if you go running for the door.  I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten you involved.  It's just that day I had just found out from my dad and I didn't plan on sleeping with you."
"Is it even possible for you to do what she asks?"
"I don't know, but I think it's more about hurting me to get back at my dad than actually completing the task."
"And do they all have to be by different guys?"
"Um...I don't know, it's just worked out that way."
"Well.  I guess we have a lot of work to do."