Chapter 46-Showdown

The rest of the wedding was a blur but I managed to make it through without breaking down into tears.  I couldn't look at my father for rest of the night.

Aric and Nina were staying at a hotel for the night so the car ride back was filled with my mom and CeCe chatting about the wedding. 
"Honey are you ok?"
"Yes mom.  I'm just tired.  It's been a long day."
"Yes it has, but I'm so glad we got to see it.  It was an absolutely amazing ceremony."
We arrived home and I headed upstairs to take a nice long bath.  Once in the privacy of my room I buried my face in my pillow and let the flood gates open.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.  I was hoping I would be tired but I couldn't sleep still.  It was late and I shouldn't call him but I needed to talk to someone.  I could only hope that he wouldn't be mad.

"Hello"  his voice was groggy and I knew I had awakened him.
"Hey, it's me."
"Hey beautiful, it's always great to hear your voice but I'm a little far away for a late night rendezvous."  Even in the wee hours of the morning he found time to flirt.
I couldn't help myself and broke down in tears again.
"What's wrong Amari?"  he sounded much more awake now.
"I just needed to hear a friendly voice." I replied between my sobs. "I'm sorry for calling so late.  You probably have work tomorrow.""Don't worry about it.  That's what they invented coffee for."
Marcus stayed on the phone and talked to me.  We didn't discuss why I was upset.  He tried but every time he did I started to cry again.  So he talked and I listened.  We discussed his job, and sports, and even the weather.  It was nice to listen to his voice and not feel so alone.  It was almost 4am.
"I should let you try and get a little sleep.  Thanks for staying up with me."
"Anything for you beautiful.  Are you going to be ok?"
"I'll have to be."  With that we hung up.  I still couldn't sleep so I got dressed and went to sit by the pool.  Watching the sun rise over the horizon was a lovely sight.  I marveled in the beauty of the new day until I heard the patio door open.
"Good morning dad.  Did you sleep well?"
"Yes any reason I shouldn't?"
"I don't know.  Maybe your guilty conscience."

He didn't reply.  He seemed void of any of the guilt and shame I thought I saw last night.
"How could you?  How could you just hand me over as if I were unimportant?  I'm your daughter damn-it not some baseball trading card!"

"So would you rather I had left your mother?  Did you stop to think what that would have done to her?"
"Cut the crap!  It wasn't about what it would have done to mom it was about what you wanted."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is.  You didn't want Marisol to have your child so you made her get rid of it.  You didn't want to stay with her any longer so you just left her.  You didn't want to be away from mom so you gave me up instead!  What do you think it will do to mom to know you handed over her daughter to be turned into a fucking baby factory!"
The sting I felt on my cheek stunned me.  I had never been hit before.  The emotional pain and humiliation wasn't enough now he had resorted to physical violence.
"Amari, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to."  He tried to touch me but I backed away still holding my cheek.
"I didn't know what she was going to do.  I swear I had no idea."
"It doesn't matter if you knew or not.  You were my father and it's your job to protect me from harm not hand me over to it."

"Do you know she claims to have killed my sister?"
"Yes.  She wanted you both and she wanted your mom to know what it was like to lose a child.  She spared you because I asked her to.  I saved your life."

He sounded almost proud of that, like what he did deserved a reward.  This man was incapable of real love.  Anyone that could be so callus about the lives of his children couldn't have a heart to love another soul.
"You knew she killed my sister and you were going to just sit back and watch as she turned me into a whore!"
"Do you think this has been easy for me?  Do you think knowing the fact that I was responsible for the death of my child meant nothing to me?"
"Hell yes I do think it's been easy for you.  Mom suffered over Amella's death, I suffered over the loss of my sister my best friend and I am continuing to suffer because of you!"
"I did suffer Amari and I am suffering as much as you right now."
I let out a sarcastic laugh.  He had some audacity to look me in the face and tell me he's suffering.
"You don't know what suffering is.  At least tell me this.  Why 100 kids?  You have to know why."
"I would guess because that's about how long it's been since she lost hers and she wanted me to know that she has never forgotten how much that loss meant to her."

"Of course.  I still don't understand her logic or yours.  I had the misfortune of being born to you and I am being punished for that.  Mom had the misfortune of attracting your attention and she was punished for that even if she doesn't know it.  She should know what kind of a man she has dedicated her life to."
"You wouldn't dare tell her."
"No you should."
"Why would I do that when everything I've done and sacrificed has been to keep her from being hurt."
"You never loved either of us did you?"
"I do love you.  You were always my favorite and now I've lost you."
"You didn't lose me George.  You gave me away. And the only reason I won't say anything to mom is because I couldn't live with myself knowing I gave her the knowledge that would cause her so much pain."
"If there were anything I could do to change what is happening."
"There was you just didn't want to sacrifice your happiness so you sacrificed mine instead.  After this trip I don't ever want to see you again.  Don't call me, don't ask about me, and don't pretend to care about me.  You are dead to me from this moment."
"Don't you think that is a bit extreme?"
"No extreme would be throwing you over the balcony. But since I don't want your death on my hands I will refrain from doing that."

Mom walked out looking refreshed. I was sad that she was in the dark about everything.  This would probably be the last time I saw her because there was no way I explain any more grandchildren to her.  I was going to lose my mother as well.
"Are you two still fighting?"

"No mom.  There's no more fight in me."