Chapter 34-Letting Go

I loved this city.  The rhythm of life was electric.  I've lived in a lot of places and this use to be my favorite.
"Mr. Drakul...Mr. Drakul."  Sasha broke into my thoughts.
"Yes Sasha."

"The pilot wants to know if you have a return date."
"No."
She went off to finish making my travel plans.  Things would have been easier if I had just stayed in France.  I had done my part for Marisol and coming back was a huge mistake that has cost us both.  Having that conversation with her, making her believe she meant nothing to me was just as heartbreaking for me.  It wouldn't do either of us any good for her to hold on to hope that we could be something more.  Plus with my role in the total destruction of her life, I didn't deserve her love.  This way she could be free of me and I could only hope that she would be able to find happiness when this was all over.

"Everything is all set sir.  Is there anything more I can provide you with tonight?"
She made no attempt to hide her lustful thoughts.  Normally I would have been more than happy to take her on the offer.  Sasha had been a great distraction for me throughout her time as my personal assistant.
"No, that will be all."
"Very well.  Your flight leaves at 9am tomorrow morning.  I will be here at 7."
I knew she was disappointed but I didn't want a distraction tonight.  I wanted my thoughts to be on Amari.  I ached to go to her to tell her the truth.  When I got the call from her, I took it as a sign that maybe all was not lost.

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The doctor said she had a sever panic attack.  Her blood pressure was so high he was surprised she didn't have a stroke.  This was my fault.  I couldn't sleep, every time I closed my eyes I flashed to the memory of seeing her laying there on the floor barely breathing and all alone.
"Wh..."
I sat up "Amari"
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital." I said gently caressing her cheek.
"Hospital?" she questioned trying to sit up. "What happened?"
"Doctor said it was a panic attack."
She started trying to think.  I caught flashes of her at Marisol's, and seeing Bynni.  It was all a bit unclear but I knew Marisol had said something to her that sent her over the edge.
"How did you find me?"
"You called me."

"Ms. Vinson good to see you awake."  The doctor spoke as he entered the room.  "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." she replied trying to get out of bed.
"Whoa, take it slow.  You've been out for two days."
"Two days!  I have to get home, my daughter needs me."
"It's ok Amari, Aric and Nina have been caring for her."  I knew she wasn't completely comforted by that information.
"Ms. Vinson, I'm going to have to ask you to sit.  Your blood pressure is still a concern especially considering your condition."
"Condition?  What condition?"  Her mind started to race thinking she had something wrong with her. 
"I'm sorry I thought you knew.  You're pregnant."
"No, no, no.  This isn't happening, I can't be pregnant.  Not again."
"Yes ma'am you are.  We calculated you to be about eight weeks along based on the information given to us by your partner but we can go an ultrasound to be sure."
She wasn't taking the news well.  Her mind started thinking about everything that had happened.
"Amari, you can't be serious!"
The doctor looked at me with a confused expression.

"Dr. Delson, could we schedule a termination?"  she looked down at the floor when she spoke, not wanting to face me.
"We could, but you would have to wait until your pressure returned to normal.  You're still processing the news, don't you want to take some time to think this over?"
"I don't need to think."
"Like hell you don't.  Doctor could you please give us some privacy."
"Of course."
I knew she was dealing with a lot but I couldn't believe she was honestly considering terminating this pregnancy.
"You can't do this."
"Why not!  You said I have to have babies, but they don't have to be yours."  She was trying to convince herself this was for the best but she had doubts.
"You don't really want to do this."
"Get out of my head.  You and Marisol have made it perfectly clear what I am so I can only assume it is your ego that can't handle me terminating this pregnancy."  I pulled her close to me.  I needed to hold her.

"Let me go!"
"No and stop fighting.  You know I will win."
"Please, just let me go."  I knew that request wasn't about the embrace.  She put her head on my shoulder, she was fighting hard not to cry.  She didn't want to show anymore weakness in my presence.
"I won't let you kill my children."  I was fighting to keep control just was she was.  I didn't want to let her go, I knew at that moment I wouldn't be able to let her go and this pregnancy was proof of that.
"Haven't you already done enough to me?  Why make me carry this baby?  It will only serve as a constant painful memory.  Please don't make me do this."
"You should get some rest, the doctor said to keep your stress down for the remainder of the pregnancy in order to keep your pressure under control."  I spoke softly as I brushed a stray hair from her face.  I wanted to kiss her but instead I released her.
She climbed back into bed, she had lost the battle of the tears.
"You can go now."