Chapter 28-Blind Sided

I showered and got dressed.  I was suppose to meet Jesse at ten.  When I got to his hotel he was on the phone.  He let me in then stepped outside to finish his call.  I couldn't help but to start picking up the empty coke cans and coffee cups.  I picked up a file folder off the floor and a piece of paper fell out.

Olson v. Vinson

I couldn't believe what I was reading.  He was trying to get custody of Ceula.  I was in disbelief as I read through the papers.  His hotel phone started ringing and I don't know why I answered it but I did.

  "Hello"

"Oh, I'm sorry I was looking for my husband.  They must have connected me to the wrong room."

"Who are you looking for?"

"Jesse Olson."

"He's on the phone." I hung up before she could say anything

Jesse walked back in and I shoved the piece of paper in his face.

"How could you!" I yelled
"Crap, Amari let me explain."

"Explain what Jesse?  You make me out to be some kind of a..." I couldn't even say the word.  The papers stated that none of my children had the same father and that I was unfit due to my relationship with a rock star.  Shows poor judgement

"Amari, it's not like that, please let me explain.  Let's sit and talk about it."

"No Jesse I don't want to sit down.  The things I told you were private, I confided in you and you use it against me to try and take my daughter."

"When I found out about Ceula I was so pissed at you I couldn't think straight.  Plus I was still upset about the way things ended with us."

"So you set out to take her away to punish me, to get back at me?!"  My head was spinning this couldn't be happening.  I thought he loved me, I thought he understood I didn't try to hurt him intentionally.

"Yes...no...damn it.  I don't know what I was doing or thinking at the time.  I thought that was what I wanted but then when I got here I realized all I really wanted was to be with you again."

For a brief second I almost believed him.  Was I that desperate for love and to be loved that I would actually let myself be talked into believing him.  I didn't set out to intentionally hurt Jesse but he set out to do just that to me.

"You were going to try and take her, you said I was not fit to raise my own child."
"You kept her from me Amari or do you not see what you did as wrong?"

"I was angry and hurt when I had those papers drawn up.  I never filed them with the court, I came here instead to talk to you to see how we could work things out.  I wanted to give us another try, to see where it could go.  That is if you would let me."

"How would your wife feel about that?
The look of shock on his face couldn't deny it was true.
"How...she's my ex or soon to be ex wife.  We had just separated when I took the job here.  How did you know?"
"Your hotel line rang."

"And you answered it?"

"I didn't know I wasn't suppose to."

"She's not important, we haven't been a real couple in years.  I travel too much and she rather advance her career.  I wanted kids, she didn't.  We are still friends, she drew up the papers."

"I need to go.  I don't know what to think or believe right now."  I turned to leave I needed air, I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me.

"Amari please hear me out." he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"No Jesse, please just let me go."

"No, I let you go once and I won't make that mistake again."

He spun me around and I felt his lips come crushing down on mine.

I tried to push him away but I couldn't.  I stopped fighting and started kissing him back.  The day had gone from bad to worse.  I was so confused, my life was spiraling out of control and I didn't know how to stop it.  I felt him lowering me down on the bed.  He started unbuttoning my shirt and I started getting flashes of being with Mulo last night.

I pushed Jesse off.
"Stop please.  I can't."  I got up and ran out of the room.  I heard him calling my name but I didn't stop.  When I got to my car I broke down into tears.  What was wrong with me?  I was with Mulo last night and almost slept with Jesse this morning.
"I'm not that kind of person." I whispered to myself still sobbing.  I could not believe I was so stupid, he was married.  I had an affair and a child with a married man.  Could I really believe he was separated or was that just a lie.  And he wanted to try and take her from me.  I was a good person, or at least I use to be but now I wasn't so sure.  I was being punished for something I was sure of it otherwise how could things keep going so terribly wrong for me.  I just started driving, I needed to clear my head.