Chapter 50-No Contact

I tried calling Marcus several times but he kept sending my calls to voice mail.  He was so angry when he left, I just wanted to explain to him, to make things right.  I left Carter a message asking him to call me, but he was working a double at the hospital.  I showered and decided to just turn in early.  I heard someone knocking on the door when I got out of the shower, I quickly dressed hoping it was Carter.  Instead I found David standing there.

"Carter asked me to come over and check on you."
His eyes lingered on my chest.  Being pregnant had made them bigger now I wished I had grabbed my robe since the shirt I was wearing was a little thin.  I protectively crossed my arms in front of me trying to cover myself.
"Thanks, but I'm fine.  Just getting ready to go to bed."  I hoped he would take the hint and leave but I was not that fortunate.
"Looks like I got here right on time?" What he was insinuating gave me the creeps.  After the day I had, the last thing I wanted was to be hit on by him.
"I'm really tired David.  Thanks for stopping by."  I opened the door and waited for him to leave.  He stole one last glance before muttering good night and leaving.  Just him looking at me made me feel dirty.  I could not comprehend how he and Carter were friends.

The morning came and went, Marcus didn't come by.  He hadn't return my messages and my calls were being sent to voice mail. 
"He'll come around.  He won't want to miss out on seeing you."  I said rubbing my belly.  I doubted the truth of my words but I had to hold on to something.  I spent the day trying to paint, but didn't have any inspiration so I cleaned instead.  Carter invited me over to watch some new action movie.  He didn't want me sitting around the house moping all day.

When I got there he apologized as soon as I walked in the door.
"I didn't know he would be home.  He said he was going to be out."
David and some girl that didn't look like his girlfriend were making out on the couch. 
"Don't worry.  We'll take our party to my room.  Amari, you're welcome to join us." He said winking at me.  The girl he was with just giggled, she looked barely 18.
"Dave, leave her alone."
"Suit yourself.  You know where to come if you want to see some real action." He and the blonde retreated to his room.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault he's a creep."
"Has he called?"
I just shook my head.

"Don't worry he will.  From what you've told me he's not the kind of guy to not be around for his kids."  I was so glad Carter was not the I told you so type.  This could have all been avoided if I had just told him sooner.  We tried to watch the movie, but the noises coming from David's room were too loud and distracting.
"I'm gonna head home."
"Do you want some company?"
"No, I'm just going to take a nice hot bath and turn in early."
"Amari, he'll call."
"Thanks."  I gave him a hug and headed home.  I hoped Carter was right.

A week passed and still no word from Marcus.  I had quit trying to call him after three days.  Carter helped me get the baby room together.  I went for a nature theme, very gender neutral.  I loved it, and Carter had a great time helping me shop and put it all together.  It was a needed distraction.

Another two days passed and it was hard to keep hoping he was going to call.   When my phone rang one night I was got excited thinking finally it was him.
"Hello." I nervously held my breath waiting on a response.
"Amari, it's mom."  she sounded as if she had been crying.  My thoughts immediately went to George, had he told her or had Marisol done something.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
"Why didn't you call and tell me?  I thought we had gotten to a better place."  I was confused, tell her what.
"Mom, what are you talking about?"
"Please don't try to lie anymore.  Lilian just left.  She was upset because she thought I knew and hadn't told her.  It took me nearly 15 minutes to get her to tell me what she was talking about."
It had never crossed my mind that Marcus would tell his mother, who told my mother. 
"You're pregnant again, with twins.  Amari what are you doing trying to single-handedly re populate the the city of LA?"
"No mom."
"Then explain to me your reasoning for continuing to have children out of wedlock.  This isn't how you were raised."
What could I say to her to help her understand my actions? I needed a believable lie.
"I guess I'm just trying to fill a void."
"A void?"
"Yes mom.  My sister died and instead of it bringing us closer as a family you and dad could barely look at me without crying.  I felt guilty for having her face and when I decided to leave, you didn't even try to talk me out of it.  So a void mom, for the family that I lost.  You and dad still had each other, but I was alone."  There was much more truth to my words than I expected.  There was a stunned silence from her end. 
"I'm sorry honey, I had no idea you felt that way."
"I know you didn't."
We spent the rest of the call talking about how my pregnancy was going.  She asked if Marcus and I were getting back together but I changed the subject.  We ended the call with her making plans to come out after they were born.  She didn't want to miss out on the younger years with these two.  I silently prayed she'd come alone.

It had been two weeks, and Marcus still hadn't been in contact with me.

Continue Reading: "Chapter 50-No Contact"

Chapter 49-How to Make it Right

Once I had collected myself I started dinner.  Marcus joined me in the kitchen and we talked about small things.  He was going to be an uncle again.  His family was excited but his mom pressured him more and more to stop living the bachelor lifestyle and to settle down.  Being the only boy, it was up to him to carry on the family name.  I told him about the kids and my new son and daughter in law.  I was looking forward to being a grandmother some day.

"What is it about him that keeps you going back?"
His question took me by surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"You have a child by him.  Then you have two additional children by other people and then back to him.  You're pregnant for a third time by him yet according to you he makes no offer to commit. Why do you keep going back? "
I shifted my weight uncomfortably while buying time on how to respond. 
"Dinner is ready.  It's your favorite, mac and cheese." 
I served him a bowl but I didn't have much of an appetite. He took a few bites.
"You're avoiding my question."
I was saved from having to answer as my doorbell rang.  As long as it wasn't Mulo whoever it was had great timing.

"Carter, hey sorry about cancelling today."  Relief washed over me.
"No problem.  I picked up a shift at the hospital.  We can go on Saturday."
"Hello." Marcus said stepping out of the kitchen.
"Carter, this is my friend Marcus.  We grew up together in Riverview.  Marcus this is Carter my personal caregiver and friend."

The two shook hands.
"Thanks for dinner, I'll call you tomorrow if that's ok."
"Yes, thanks for stopping by."  He gave me a tight hug before leaving. I watched him walk out the door without telling him.  This was getting worse.

"So is he the reason you cancelled today?"
"No, that was because of Mulo."
Carter knew a little on the subject of Mulo.  He never pushed for more information and I loved that.  No uncomfortable explanations.
"I need some advice."

We sat and I told him about Mulo coming by, leaving out some of the details.  He really didn't need to know all of that.  I told him about what happened when I went home between Marcus and I and how I wished I could take back sleeping with him.  The whole ordeal just made a bad situation worse since he was the father but didn't know.
"You have to tell him Amari."
"I can't.  Don't you see he's a great guy and would make a very good father but he needs to be with someone who doesn't come with all my baggage."
"If you were carrying my child, I would want to know.  Nothing else would matter."  he was always the voice of reason.
I curled up next to him on the couch and thought about what he said.
"But how do I handle Mulo because Marcus isn't going to just walk away from his child."
"If Mulo truly loves you, he would give you a chance to be happy.  That is if you wanted to try and make it work with Marcus."
I hugged him tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  If only it was that easy with Mulo, life would be almost manageable.
"What would I do with out you Carter?"
"I have no idea." he replied hugging me back.

The next morning I was awoken by someone knocking on my door.  It was barely 8am.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes are you Miss Amari Vinson?"
"Yes."
"This is for you."
The guy handed me a box then got back into his truck.  Parked in my driveway was a candy red sedan.  I opened the box and found the keys and a note.

 This will last longer than flowers or chocolates.

~M

It was too early to deal with him.  I just wanted a cup of tea and prayed that today would be less stressful.  Marcus was going to be in town for a week.  Surely sometime before he left I would be able to get the words out.

He called after work, we met up and and an early dinner at the beach.  It was my favorite place to go and think.  We didn't talk much over dinner or as we sat and watched the waves.  When he dropped me off at home he declined to come inside.  He gave me a polite hug and headed back to his hotel.  This went on for the next couple of days.  He'd want to meet out in public and we would talk about frivolous things.  I had never answered his question about Mulo and he didn't bother asking again.  I was making a bigger mess of things and Carter kept reminding me that I needed to tell him the truth.

"Will I get to see you before you leave tomorrow?"

"Yes I can come by before I leave for the airport."

"Will you come in, at least for a little while?"

I saw the hesitation on his face but he agreed anyway. Things had changed for him.  Seeing me pregnant was hard on him.  There was no denying the sadness in his eyes whenever he looked at me.  Being with him would be amazing.  I would never go feeling unloved or unwanted.  I would, we would be his everything.

"You asked me why I keep going back."

"What?"

"That night at dinner you asked why I keep going back to him.  Well because I know what I'm getting.  The good, the bad, and the ugly I know what I'm getting."

"What does that even mean?"

"That means there's nothing he doesn't know about me and for what ever his reasons may they be good or bad, he keeps coming back."

"Sounds like you are selling yourself short."

"Maybe but what choice do I have?"

"You have lots of choices but it sounds like you are taking the easy one.  I don't know what he's done to do you make you feel so worthless, but then again you won't tell me everything about you." his words were harsh yet full of pain.

"It sounds like he just takes advantage of what ever feelings you have for him and you let him.  I don't understand it Amari."

The frustration he had been holding back all week was bubbling to the surface. 

"No one else would want me if they knew what he does."

"That's because you are so messed up by this guy that you won't give anyone else a chance!"  Even nice guys had their limit and he had reached his.
"You talk about complications and your life being a mess, but you never say why.  Just tell me so I can decided for myself who or what I deserve!"
"I can't.  There is no way you could understand."  I fought back.  My words hit him like a slap in the face.  His frustration and anger was replaced with anguish.
"Thanks for having so much faith in me.  I'm gonna go.  I'll stop by tomorrow."

"Marcus don't leave.  I didn't mean it that way."

"Yes you did.  You shut me out after your sister died and you're shutting me out now.  I just need a little time.  I hope he knows how lucky he is."  He placed his hand on my stomach and there was a frenzy of activity. 

"Active little guy.  I guess in another life this could have been mine."  The longing in his eyes broke my heart.  It was now or never. I could almost get away with letting him continue on thinking the baby was Mulo's but the guilt was killing me.

"I found out at my last doctor's appointment I'm having twins."
"That's great. Do you know if they are a boys or girls?"
"No I didn't want to find out."
"You're going to have your hands full with twins."
"Well I'm hoping their father will be around to help me out some."
"He'd be crazy not to be around.  I wouldn't want to miss a minute of it.  The sleepless nights, dirty diapers and all.  One day that will be me.  I hope so at least."
"That day will come for you in about three and a half months."  I had spoken so softly I wasn't sure if he heard me.

"What are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry for not saying it sooner.  I was trying to save you from me."
"What?  Save me from you, you're not making any sense."
"They're yours not his."
He stared at me with a bewildered look on his face.  What was probably only about ten seconds of silence felt like hours.

"I...um...I need to go."
"Marcus, I'm sorry.  Please just let me explain."  I reached out for his arm, but he pulled it back.
"No!  Not only did you not tell me months ago when you find out but I've been here all week, you've seen me everyday.  You let me believe that someone else was the father of my child, or children.  I don't know what's happened to you but it's best I leave now before I say something I shouldn't."  He took one last look at my stomach then walked out.
I called out for him not to leave.  I begged him to stay to let me explain but he left me.  I needed to talk to someone.  I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to work out and that Marcus would eventually forgive me.  I tried to call Carter but he was working.  I looked at my phone while contemplating calling Mulo.  I couldn't, I wanted to but I couldn't.  This is what he wanted for me to coming running back into his arms.  Marcus was right, I did feel worthless.  My father didn't want me, Marisol basically owns me, Mulo, the man who claims to love me uses and controls me.  Drake never called me again and Jesse was married.  Everyone got a little piece of me and soon there would be nothing left.

 

Continue Reading: "Chapter 49-How to Make it Right"

Chapter 48-Between a Rock and a Hard Place

There was an unsettling silence.  He was in shock to see me in my current condition and I was scared to let him in the house.  I couldn't leave him standing outside so I stepped aside and allowed him to enter.

"I was in town on business and thought I would surprise you."  he started speaking but I saw as his focus shifted from me towards Mulo who was walking towards us.
"It is a nice surprise."  I hoped I didn't sound as nervous as I felt.  Mulo stepped beside me and put his arms around my waist.
Don't!
"Maybe I should have called first.  Looks like I'm interrupting here."
"No it's fine."

"Well yes you are actually." Mulo chimed in cutting me off.
Stop it!  Why must you be this way?  He simply smiled ignoring what I was telling him.
"I will go.  Amari I'll call you later."  He sounded so dejected and this is what I was most in fear of happening.
"Please stay.  He was just leaving."  Mulo's arm tightened around my waist when I told him to stay.
You need to leave now!
I removed his arm and put some space between us.  I saw his jaw clench in anger, his eyes that were burning with desire now burned with fury.
"No, it's ok I can meet up with you later."
"Please go sit.  Let me just walk him out and we'll talk."

"What were you doing in there?" I hissed once we were outside?
"I was showing you some affection."
The notion hit me that maybe he didn't come here to apologize.
"Did you know he was coming?"
"Did you know?" I yelled again after he neglected to answer me the first time.
"Yes."
"How?"
"I've been keeping tabs on him since the wedding."
He was so smug and calm it infuriated me.
"So you came here today to seduce me, to try and sleep with me knowing he was coming.  You wanted him to catch us together."
There was no end to the ways he could try and control me.  Knowing the shambles my life is in, knowing I am working hard to try and just keep control on a daily basis he would still set out to play with my feeling for him, my emotions in such a way.  I didn't know whether to be hurt or angry.
"Why...why would you?  You know what, I don't even want to know, I just want you to leave now."

I buried my face in my hands, took a deep breath and heading back into the house.
What was I going to say.  He looked over at me when I walked in.  Nervously I sat down next to him trying to figure out how to salvage this.
"I'm sorry I should have called first."  He was having a hard time looking at me.  I was was the pink elephant in the room that no one wanted to mention.
"No need to apologize.  It's good to see you again."
Silence engulfed us sucking the air out of the room.

"Amari?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was scared."
I was terrified of so much.  Scared of Marisol and what she may do at any moment.  Scared of what will happen if my mom finds out what's going on.  Scared of my feelings for Mulo despite all that he's done. Scared of what Marcus would think of me, and what it would do to him.
"We've talked on the phone almost every night.  If nothing else, I'm your friend and the truth would have been nice.  I'm not going to lie, I was hopeful we could get back together but I would have understood if you had just told me there was someone else."  His voice was strained.  He was trying to control his feelings for the sake of not hurting mine but he was angry.
"I know and I'm sorry but it's not like you think."

"Growing up with three older sisters I think I can tell when a guy is just a friend and when he's not.  That guy was not.  He seemed very...familiar with you."
He was struggling to keep his cool but his patience was fading.
"You're right, he's not just a friend.  He doesn't have a title, well he does but not that kind of a title.  We are sort of undefined but he is the father of my son."
"So you're having a boy.  Congrats."
There was no easy way to make this better.  No magic wand I could wave to make this conversation over with.  I sat at a crossroads.  I could tell him the truth or I could let him continue believing this baby was Mulo's.  Hurt him now or hurt him later.  Neither choice made me feel good about myself but I had to make it all the same.
"You misunderstand.  I already have a son and he's the father.  I also have two daughter's but he's not their father.  I'm not with him or any one for that matter.  The relationship I have with him is rocky and uncertain and full of pain and agony.  He can't let me move on."

That was a mouthful to say and I waited holding my breath to see how Marcus would react.  He was silent.  I can't blame him I went from being the prude of a girl he dated to telling him I had three children with different men and I was pregnant again.
"I...um...ok wow.  That's a lot you've been holding back.  And the other father?"
"It's fathers and not around."
"And the kids?"
"Grown and off living their lives."
"What happened to you Amari?"  I hated hearing the pity in his voice.  I wanted to remain the girl he knew.  I wanted to go back and be her.
"More than you could ever imagine."  I mumbled.  I wanted to run and hide.  I didn't want him to see me cry.  I already felt sad and pathetic.  Crying in front of him would only make it worse.  I guess on the bright side pity was better than him being appalled and disgusted at the sight of me.
"I have to go.  I was suppose to meet a friend today and got side tracked.  I should call him.  Thanks for stopping by."
Him, great he probably thinks it's another person I'm sleeping with.  I just needed him out of the house so I could break down in peace.  I needed to call Carter and ask him to bring over a large tub of Rocky Road ice cream so I could drown my sorrows.  I got up and tried not to look at him.
"I didn't know we were done talking."
"What more is there to say?  My life is a mess, and I'm a horrible person for bringing you into it.  I told you, you deserve someone better and I meant it.  Now please I can't take any more.  Today has pushed my stress levels and it's not safe for me."  Why wouldn't he just leave.  I certainly had told him enough to make him go running away as fast as he could but he wouldn't leave.

"I'm a big boy Amari.  I'm not going to say what I learned today isn't shocking but we all have our skeletons.  I am in no position to pass judgement on you and I never would."
"Thank you for being so nice even though I don't deserve it."
"Look at me." he said gently lifting my chin to meet his gaze.  "I don't know what all has gone on with you and I hope in time you will tell me.  I one thing I do know is I could never be anything but nice to you."  He had the sweetest smile on his face.  He was too good to be true and I felt horrible knowing I still needed to tell him about the baby.
"May I?" he asked gesturing towards my stomach.
I nodded my head.  I found myself comparing my reaction to him touching me to that of how I reacted when Mulo touched me.  I tried to shake those thoughts but I couldn't ignore the fact that I didn't get those same flutters of excitement.

"What did you mean it wasn't safe for you?"
I hadn't talked about the twins with anyone.  Carter asked but didn't push when I said I didn't want to get into it.  He understood it was still painful.  I never told my mom and other than dealing with CeCe I always mourned for them quietly to myself.  The tears I was fighting to hold back gave way and I turned around to hide my face.  I attempted to escape to the bathroom but he stopped me.
"Hey what is it?"
I just shook my head and tried to move past him.
"It's nothing.  Just pregnancy hormones."
"You're lying, now tell me what's wrong."
Why did I have to cry?  Why did I always have to be so weak and unable to handle things?  He wasn't going to let me not tell him but I couldn't say it.  I couldn't say that my most painful failure in life was not being able to safely bring my children into the world.
"Amari please after everything you've told me today what are you still holding back?"
"Before...before I came to visit I was pregnant again by Mulo.  The guy that was here.  It was a lot going on for me at the time and I wasn't suppose to be stressed.  But there was a fight and I got upset and I went into labor early.  They didn't make it."

He held me close without saying a word.  I felt safe in his arms as he stroked my hair.
"Well this certainly isn't how I imagined this visit going today."  I'm glad he tried to lighten the mood.  I needed that more than condolences.  He didn't have to say he was sorry for my loss, I knew he was.
"You have to at least stay for dinner.  Let me make it up to you."
"I'd be happy to."
"Sit watch some TV.  I need to go clean up a bit and I'll get it started."

I leaned up against the bathroom door once safely inside.  This day had not turned out like I had planned.  Mulo, that man.  I hated him, loved him, needed him, wanted him all at the same time.  Marcus showing back up really threw me for a loop.  I wasn't prepared but he had taken what I told him so far fairly well.  I was thankful he was such a nice guy, that's what I always loved about him.
"You need to tell him." I whispered to my reflection.  I couldn't repeat the same mistake I made with Bynni and Ceula.  But how could I get him to not be involved, to not want to be with me knowing I was carrying his child.  And that brought me back to Mulo.  He wasn't going to just sit by and let me be happy with another man.  He'd proven that with Jesse.  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.


****************************BONUS PIC*************************************
I meant to add this to my last post.  Ceula all grown up

Continue Reading: "Chapter 48-Between a Rock and a Hard Place"

Chapter 47-A New Day

I stood outside looking at my new home thinking back over the last few weeks.  After the fight with my dad, my parents stayed for another two days.  The happy couples said goodbye to them before heading off on their honeymoons.  Aric and Nina were going to France.  Bynni and TK were going to Egypt.

Mom thought I was silly to move out of a house I owned into a rental.  I explained to her that it wasn't really my style besides Aric and Nina needed some time alone as a couple.  Truth was I just needed to be free of him.  My realtor had found one I could have afforded to buy but someone came along with a higher offer.  I wasn't too upset since it wasn't in the best part of town.

Ceula was reluctant to move so I agreed to stay until after she graduated.  She missed mom after they left but I think she took to talking on the phone to her more than I did.  As a condition to being allowed off punishment she started counseling.  I was still concerned over the drinking and drug use.  I was surprise when she continued treatment even after graduation.

Marcus and I continued to talk on the phone nearly every night.  Mulo and I hadn't spoken since he said those hurtful things to me at the wedding.

On moving day I was sad to leave the kids I felt hopeful that things had to be getting better for me. 
I got a warm welcome from my new neighbors Carter and his roommate David.

Carter was an intern at the hospital working his way up to being a doctor and David was a cop.  They were an odd pair to be friends but who was I to judge.  David had a girlfriend I'd only met once and she didn't seem to like me too much.  David was a flirty guy and she didn't like the attention he paid me, but I didn't really like it either.  He creeped me out.  Carter however was a loveable guy.  He nagged me as much as my mother did about not looking well.

Since I left the car behind with the house, he took me to my doctor's appointment.  He was very excited at the news I was pregnant.  He hoped to have kids someday but until that time came he was happy to spoil mine.  I had mixed feelings.  I knew it was Marcus' baby and I should have been happy at that thought but it only made me sad that I was pulling him in deeper to the mess that was my life.  Carter took to being my personal nurse after hearing the doctor tell me I was high risk due to my last miscarriage.  He was over every day either before or after his shift to check on me.  We talked about the baby and he was happy about the idea of helping me decorate the baby room.  The kids they took the news rather well and none of them asked me who the father was.

I spent my days painting.  It was strange to be in such a quiet house with nothing really to do.  It was relaxing and I was managing to remain mostly stress free.  I still hadn't told Marcus about the baby.  I knew I should have but I knew he would want to be involved and around and I just wasn't ready for that yet.

Today Carter was taking me crib shopping.  He told me I needed to stop putting it off.  I was halfway done with this pregnancy and hadn't bought a single item.  I didn't want to know the gender so we were looking for something cute and gender neutral.  I had just finished getting ready when I heard the doorbell.
"Hey did you forget your key?"
I called heading towards the door.  I felt better knowing he had a key to be able and check on me just in case something happened.  He promised not to let David know he had it because I told him how uneasy he made me feel sometimes.
"You never gave me a key."

"Mulo."
"Expecting someone else?"
"Yes actually.  This really isn't a good time I'm leaving soon."
I hated how the mere presence of him could bring to the surface all the feelings and emotions I worked hard to suppress.
"Call your friend to reschedule."
"No.  You can't just show up here and expect me to drop everything for you."
He waltzed further into the house as if he owned it and didn't even bother to acknowledge what I said.  I took out my phone and called Carter to reschedule.
"Now was that so hard."
"I'm not a puppet.  You can't just take control of me like that."

I wrapped my arms around my belly as he approached me. 
"I'm not here to upset you.  I came to apologize."  His voice was soft and calming.  He placed his hand on my stomach and started caressing me.  As if sensing my reaction to him touching me, I felt a flutter of activity in my stomach.
"My ego was bruised and I lashed out.  Can you forgive me?"
He pulled me close then started to massage the back of my neck lacing his fingers in my hair.  His touch was soft I closed my eyes and just relaxed into him.  A soft moan escaped my lips.
"I'll take that as a yes."  He whispered as he placed a soft kiss beside my ear, then my cheek, and finally my lips.

"No." I said trying to regain my thoughts.  "You were mean and hurtful." I continued as I pushed him off.  "You say those things to me and then it takes you almost three months before you come to offer an apology."
A devilish smile crept across his face.
"Why must you try so hard to resist me?"
"Because you can't just come here and seduce me to get your way."
Mulo quickly closed the small distance I had put between us.
"I'm not seducing you, I'm apologizing."
I felt my resolve melting away just as quickly as I had found it.
"Most guys would send flowers or chocolates."
"Lucky for you I'm not most guys."
Before I could reply he kissed me.

My body tingled at his touch.  As he kissed my neck, I felt his fangs graze across.  I tilted my head more inviting him to bite me.  I don't remember him ever doing so but I wanted more than anything to know the experience.  His eyes glowed with desire and my heartbeat quickened with anticipation.
"It can be quite enjoyable but I won't while you're pregnant."  He picked me up and carried me to the couch.  Somewhere along the way he removed my shirt.  As he kissed me again I tasted the irony flavor of blood.  I didn't know if it was his or mine but I didn't care.

My body got hot as I was flooded with the memories of our first night together.  I did know the experience of him biting me as he had done it that night.  It was very sensual with the perfect mix of pain and pleasure.  Before now that night had been just a series of flashes but never the full reconciliation I was getting now.  I couldn't stand it I wanted him at that moment more than I ever had before.

My doorbell rang and brought me back to my senses.
"Ignore it." he said.  His voice was thick with lust as he started removing my pants.
"I can't just ignore it.  If it's Carter, he has a key." I replied trying to wiggle myself from underneath him.
"You can't really be trying to stop now."
The doorbell rang out again.
Mulo begrudgingly let me up.  I put my shirt back on and tried to compose myself before opening the door.
"Marcus" I gasped.



****Thanks to SilverDaybreak for Amari's new friend and neighbor Carter Day.********

Continue Reading: "Chapter 47-A New Day"

Chapter 46-Showdown

The rest of the wedding was a blur but I managed to make it through without breaking down into tears.  I couldn't look at my father for rest of the night.

Aric and Nina were staying at a hotel for the night so the car ride back was filled with my mom and CeCe chatting about the wedding. 
"Honey are you ok?"
"Yes mom.  I'm just tired.  It's been a long day."
"Yes it has, but I'm so glad we got to see it.  It was an absolutely amazing ceremony."
We arrived home and I headed upstairs to take a nice long bath.  Once in the privacy of my room I buried my face in my pillow and let the flood gates open.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.  I was hoping I would be tired but I couldn't sleep still.  It was late and I shouldn't call him but I needed to talk to someone.  I could only hope that he wouldn't be mad.

"Hello"  his voice was groggy and I knew I had awakened him.
"Hey, it's me."
"Hey beautiful, it's always great to hear your voice but I'm a little far away for a late night rendezvous."  Even in the wee hours of the morning he found time to flirt.
I couldn't help myself and broke down in tears again.
"What's wrong Amari?"  he sounded much more awake now.
"I just needed to hear a friendly voice." I replied between my sobs. "I'm sorry for calling so late.  You probably have work tomorrow.""Don't worry about it.  That's what they invented coffee for."
Marcus stayed on the phone and talked to me.  We didn't discuss why I was upset.  He tried but every time he did I started to cry again.  So he talked and I listened.  We discussed his job, and sports, and even the weather.  It was nice to listen to his voice and not feel so alone.  It was almost 4am.
"I should let you try and get a little sleep.  Thanks for staying up with me."
"Anything for you beautiful.  Are you going to be ok?"
"I'll have to be."  With that we hung up.  I still couldn't sleep so I got dressed and went to sit by the pool.  Watching the sun rise over the horizon was a lovely sight.  I marveled in the beauty of the new day until I heard the patio door open.
"Good morning dad.  Did you sleep well?"
"Yes any reason I shouldn't?"
"I don't know.  Maybe your guilty conscience."

He didn't reply.  He seemed void of any of the guilt and shame I thought I saw last night.
"How could you?  How could you just hand me over as if I were unimportant?  I'm your daughter damn-it not some baseball trading card!"

"So would you rather I had left your mother?  Did you stop to think what that would have done to her?"
"Cut the crap!  It wasn't about what it would have done to mom it was about what you wanted."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is.  You didn't want Marisol to have your child so you made her get rid of it.  You didn't want to stay with her any longer so you just left her.  You didn't want to be away from mom so you gave me up instead!  What do you think it will do to mom to know you handed over her daughter to be turned into a fucking baby factory!"
The sting I felt on my cheek stunned me.  I had never been hit before.  The emotional pain and humiliation wasn't enough now he had resorted to physical violence.
"Amari, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to."  He tried to touch me but I backed away still holding my cheek.
"I didn't know what she was going to do.  I swear I had no idea."
"It doesn't matter if you knew or not.  You were my father and it's your job to protect me from harm not hand me over to it."

"Do you know she claims to have killed my sister?"
"Yes.  She wanted you both and she wanted your mom to know what it was like to lose a child.  She spared you because I asked her to.  I saved your life."

He sounded almost proud of that, like what he did deserved a reward.  This man was incapable of real love.  Anyone that could be so callus about the lives of his children couldn't have a heart to love another soul.
"You knew she killed my sister and you were going to just sit back and watch as she turned me into a whore!"
"Do you think this has been easy for me?  Do you think knowing the fact that I was responsible for the death of my child meant nothing to me?"
"Hell yes I do think it's been easy for you.  Mom suffered over Amella's death, I suffered over the loss of my sister my best friend and I am continuing to suffer because of you!"
"I did suffer Amari and I am suffering as much as you right now."
I let out a sarcastic laugh.  He had some audacity to look me in the face and tell me he's suffering.
"You don't know what suffering is.  At least tell me this.  Why 100 kids?  You have to know why."
"I would guess because that's about how long it's been since she lost hers and she wanted me to know that she has never forgotten how much that loss meant to her."

"Of course.  I still don't understand her logic or yours.  I had the misfortune of being born to you and I am being punished for that.  Mom had the misfortune of attracting your attention and she was punished for that even if she doesn't know it.  She should know what kind of a man she has dedicated her life to."
"You wouldn't dare tell her."
"No you should."
"Why would I do that when everything I've done and sacrificed has been to keep her from being hurt."
"You never loved either of us did you?"
"I do love you.  You were always my favorite and now I've lost you."
"You didn't lose me George.  You gave me away. And the only reason I won't say anything to mom is because I couldn't live with myself knowing I gave her the knowledge that would cause her so much pain."
"If there were anything I could do to change what is happening."
"There was you just didn't want to sacrifice your happiness so you sacrificed mine instead.  After this trip I don't ever want to see you again.  Don't call me, don't ask about me, and don't pretend to care about me.  You are dead to me from this moment."
"Don't you think that is a bit extreme?"
"No extreme would be throwing you over the balcony. But since I don't want your death on my hands I will refrain from doing that."

Mom walked out looking refreshed. I was sad that she was in the dark about everything.  This would probably be the last time I saw her because there was no way I explain any more grandchildren to her.  I was going to lose my mother as well.
"Are you two still fighting?"

"No mom.  There's no more fight in me."

Continue Reading: "Chapter 46-Showdown"

Chapter 45-Wedding Bells

The days turned into weeks.  Marcus and I continued to talk and email each other.  I would never let things get past friendly although he tried.  The endless flirting was a fun distraction and a bright spot among all the bad going on around me.

The kids wedding date was fast approaching and I was tired a lot trying to get everything finalized.  There seemed to be endless phone calls to the caters and the florists but it had to be perfect.  They didn't deserve anything less.

Mom and I spoke she was excited about their trip.  She was looking forward to meeting her grandkids and getting to see not one, but two weddings.  I was not looking forward to seeing my dad but I was determined to put my feelings aside so it didn't but a damper on the upcoming festivities.

Ceula remained grounded.  I offered to let her off for good behavior if she gave me the names of the people she was with and who was supplying her with the drugs and alcohol but she refused to be a snitch.  Neither she nor Mulo would tell me why she was there that night but whatever happened seemed to put her a little more at ease.

The day had come for my parents to arrive.  I was tense and decided to take a short swim to relax.  I had plenty of time before I was to get them from the airport.  After my swim I sat down for just a bit to rest.  I was winded from just the few minutes I spent in the pool.

I felt terrible when I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing.  I had fallen asleep.  Mom called to tell me they caught a taxi and would be arriving at the house shortly.  This visit was not getting off to a good start.  I wondered what mom would say when she saw the house.  Would she approve of me having some man take care of me like this without the promise or commitment of a real relationship?


I had just finished getting dressed when my doorbell rang.

"Hi Mom."
"Hey baby.  You look tired."
"Thanks mom.  I guess planning this wedding is taking a lot out of me."
"Hello Dad."
"Hello Amari."
There were no hugs exchanged between my father and I.  He looked as uncomfortable being here as I was having him here.
"So where are they?"
"Sorry they're not here right now.  Ceula is at school, Bynni will be over later after her final dress fitting, and I'm not sure where Aric and Nina are."

I gave them a tour of the house.  Mom loved the views and went on and on about how lovely the home was and so large.  Dad was silent.

We sat and talked while we waited on the kids to show up.  Mom kept asking about Marcus and if he'd been out to visit yet.  She clearly felt like we were headed towards getting back together and that made her happy.  She had always liked him.  Then she asked about the kid's fathers and if they would be at the wedding.  I told her probably not.

Once everyone arrived home she was in grandmother heaven.  CeCe really took to her and mom loved it.  They were all very good as she gushed over them and tried to feed them.  Aric and Bynni managed to choke down the food without complaint.  It made me feel guilty about keeping them apart.

The big day had arrived and I woke up not feeling well.  There was a lot I had to get done before this evening and I was not going to let nerves keep me from getting it accomplished.  I brushed my teeth, splashed some water on my face and tried to push the sickening feeling down as far as I could.

The house was a flurry of activity.  The ladies all headed to the spa for facials and to get our make up done.  The guys had spent the night at a hotel since I wouldn't let them see each other on the wedding day.  After our spa time, we headed home to get dressed.

The time had finally come, the limo arrived and we all headed to the event.  If I could just make it through the next few hours, I would sleep all day tomorrow.

Mom and I cried during both ceremonies.  Both my babies were now married.  It was a beautiful night.  I slipped away to steal a moment.  I was feeling a tad light headed and needed to collect myself.
"Hello Amari."
I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"You look absolutely stunning tonight."
"Thank you."  I glanced around to see where my mom was.  I didn't want to have to explain Mulo to her seeing how he looked the same way now as he does on the poster I had as a teen.
"Don't worry she's busy."
"What are you doing here?"
"Our son is getting married.  You had to know I would show up."
Of course he would be here.  I knew he would be here and I hated to admit it but I was happy to see him.
He stepped closer to me and whispered in my ear "You know if you want to see me all you have to do is call."  There was a cockiness in his voice that I hated yet loved.  I was about to respond when I was hit with another wave of nausea.  The look on his face changed..
"I guess you did have a good trip." The warmth and seduction gone from his voice replaced with a cold bitterness.
"I guess this is where I should tell you congratulations."
"What? No, Mulo it isn't like that."  Why did he always make me feel as if I had done something wrong.
"You just lost our children and you jump in bed with the first guy that comes along!"
He had said some hurtful things to me but that had to be the worse.  Mentioning the twins was like a knife in my heart.  I loved them and missed them and for him to insinuate otherwise was low even for him.  I let myself go back to that day knowing he would see it all.
"Leave now."
"I'll go for now but know he won't last either.  I may have to share your body for now but I won't share your heart."
He walked away without another word or even a glance back at me.
I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry.
"Is there trouble in paradise?"
Shit.  Seriously was it too much to ask to have a special occasion not be ruined.

"What do you want Marisol?"

"I came to see my girl get married."
"She's not your girl!  Bynni is my daughter."
"We both have had a part of raising her.  You as a weak human and me to mold her into the wonderful creature that she is now."
I couldn't deal with her now.
"So where is George." the way she said his name sent chills down my spine.
"Marisol can you please just go away."
"But why?  He's coming to see me now."
I turn to see my dad walking over.  I did not want them to have this confrontation now. 
"Please Marisol.  I'm begging you don't do this now."
She ignored me as she turned her full attention to my father.

"George darling.  So nice to see you again."
"Hello Marisol."
"What no kiss.  You don't seem at all happy to see me.  That hurts my feelings."
This wonderful beautiful happy night was turning into a nightmare.  First Mulo, now Marisol.
"I guess you know your daddy's little dirty secret."  She didn't take her eyes off my father as she spoke.
"What your are asking of her is unattainable.  Why must you always be so unreasonable?"
She started laughing.
"George you almost sound as if you care what happens to her."
"Of course I care, she is my child after all."
Her laughter stopped and the cold hateful Marisol re appeared.

"You haven't told her.  Still keeping secrets?"
I shot a look over at my dad but he wouldn't look at me.
"Dad what is she talking about?"
Marisol started circling around me.
"Your dad made me choose my child or him.  That choice almost killed me and left me unable to have children."
"I know that already.  What he did to you was despicable but it doesn't justify what you are doing to me or what you are talking about now."

My father still wouldn't look at me and stood by silently.  There was something they were keeping from me.
"You want me to be the evil one here but I'm not.  I am simply a heartbroken woman who longed for two things in life.  To be with the man I loved and gave up everything for and to have his child.  He took them both away."
"But how is that my fault!"  I screamed at her.  I was thankful that the music playing didn't allow for the guest to hear.
"It's not but daddy dearest had a choice of his own to make once I found him again."
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.
"What choice?"
Neither of them said anything.  My dad had guilt written all over his face and Marisol had a smug look of satisfaction on hers.
"What choice?"
"You should be the one to tell her darling."

"Amari at the time I thought this was the best option for everyone involved."
"What choice daddy?"
He put his head down clearly feeling shamed over about what he was going to tell me.
"When she found me she gave me the same choice I gave her.  I could go back with her, be turned again or I could give up my child."

I couldn't speak.  It felt like someone was sitting on my chest, I couldn't breathe. I could only stare at him with tears stinging in my eyes as I fought to hold them back.
"Hey you two.  The party is over there.  I thought you called a truce for today."  Mom said as she approached us.  My eyes darted to Marisol.
"Hello.  I don't think I've met you yet.  I'm Kathy Vinson and you are?"

A smile crept across Marisol's face but I could see the seething hatred behind it.
"I'm Marisol.  I'm a dear friend of Amari."
"How nice.  Glad she has a friend out here."
"Come they are getting ready to cut the cakes."
Marisol linked arms with my mom and walked off towards the party.  They were chatting about how lovely everything was tonight.  I took one last look at my father before heading off behind them.

****Sorry some of the pictures are so dark.  I tried to put lights around the venue but they weren't enough apparently.  Also for the wedding shots I hoped to get better ones but even though I didn't throw a wedding party when I clicked on the arch to get them married random townies that were at the location came over and messed up a few of the shots.  :(

Continue Reading: "Chapter 45-Wedding Bells"