Chapter 62-Suspicions

"I think you might be over reacting.  I see the way that man looks at you.  He loves you way too much to cheat on you."
"But what other explanation do you have for his change in behavior?"
I wanted to believe Carter I did but things had gotten strange lately.  Since that first mystery phone call, Marcus has started getting them more frequently.  He would always leave the room and take them in his office.  Other strange behaviors started appearing as well like him showering as soon as he got home from work and he would go to be shortly after the boys and would be asleep by the time I got there.  He was still affectionate and loving but the sex had fizzled.
"I don't know Amari, but after everything I just can't imagine him doing that."
"Even with his increase in business trips?"

"He is a CEO.  It would be crazy that he wouldn't be required to take business trips occasionally.  I think you are projecting."
"What?  What are you talking about?"
"You are feeling guilty for not telling him the truth about the house so you need him to be doing something dishonest as well."
"That is the craziest thing I have ever heard!"
"Maybe so but you shouldn't be lying to your husband yet you are and you are feeling guilty about that fact."
I was guilty for lying but it was more than just the house.  It was everything, my feelings, the truth about my kids.  There was so much I was holding back, how could I not feel guilty for letting him marry me when I should have just let him be free.
"And you think I'm making up all of this odd behavior?"
"No that's not what I'm saying.  Amari look I'm not in your relationship.  I can only make observations based on what I see and what you tell me.  So what I am saying is you need to sit down and have a serious and truthful conversation with your husband."
"I'll think about it."
Carter was probably right but after I tell Marcus everything he would no longer want to be my husband.  I've continued to lie to him after I told him I wouldn't.  Maybe I wasn't suppose to be happy, maybe I was suppose to carry the burden of my fate alone and in misery.  That had to be the case otherwise I wouldn't continue to sabotage myself.  Carter and I spent the rest of the morning talking about the dogs, his job, and the boys.  We spoke about Ceula and her recovery but neither of us mentioned David.  He was still missing and assumed dead at this point but it was still an open case.  The police had come to speak with us and were not happy that Ceula had been flown out of the country.  They said it looked suspicious but I refused to bring her back and have her questioned.  He did mention that his cousin would be coming to stay with him for a while.  Jonas wanted to try out life in the big city for a while and Carter was excited to have some family out here with him.

After he left, I spent my time trying to keep busy and not think about my worries surrounding Marcus.  I hated having these feelings about him, I wanted to believe that maybe Carter was right and I was just projecting my own guilt onto him.  I prayed that was the case.  I needed to come clean, but that was easier said than done.  The boys came running into the house breaking me from my thoughts.  They dropped their bags and ran right outside to play with Fred and Wilma not even stopping to say hello to me. 

I watched them running and playing, so happy enjoying life.  My coming clean would certainly destroy that but continuing to hold on to these lies was eating me alive.  I finally made them come in and do their homework while I fixed dinner. 

After their baths, they made their nightly call to Marcus.  Dax brought me the phone when they had finished talking to him.
"Hey how was your day?"
"Good.  Carter came over and we talked for a while.  How was yours?"
"Long, I'm beat.  I'll probably turn in early tonight."  It was the same thing every night.
"We haven't talked much while you've been gone.  I miss you."

I tried not to let the sadness in my voice come through but I was hurt.  It seemed like he was avoiding even talking to me.
"I know, sorry about that.  I'll make it up to you when I get home."
"Goodnight Marcus."
"Amari, I love you."
"Love you to."
I hung up and tried hard to ignore the nagging feeling eating away at me.  After reading the boys a bedtime story, I took a hot shower and debated on whether or not to call him back.  If he didn't answer it could mean that he was tired and went to sleep, or it could mean he was otherwise occupied.  He would be home on Friday, in two days and then the fate of my marriage would be determined.  I spent those two days in a fog.  I had made myself sick with worry about what I would say, what he would say.  I couldn't keep anything down and hadn't eaten anything more than crackers since Tuesday night.  I kept glancing at the clock, he would be home soon and the closer the time got the more nervous I got.  I had already thrown up three times.  I thought things over and decided to wait until Saturday.  The boys would spend the night with Aric and Nina because if things got bad I didn't want them to see us fighting.  I heard his car in the drive way and had to fight the urge that came over me to vomit again.  This needed to be done but I had to put on a happy face as best I could until tomorrow.  I took a deep breath before opening the door to go greet him, only it wasn't Marcus standing on the other side.

********Sorry this was so short but the next chapter will be longer.***************