Chapter 69-Mind Games

“I knew you would come back to me.”

“The only place I truly belong is in your arms.”

His breath was warm on my neck as he let his fangs graze across my throbbing vein. 

“I told you my love, not while you’re pregnant.”

My entire body was on fire with longing for him.  He picked me up and carried me to the bed.  In a blink of an eye, we were both undressed and his hands were roaming my body.  When I looked up at him, he had a smug devilish smile on his face and suddenly I couldn’t breath.  I started to push at this chest trying to shove him off of me.

“Amari, what’s wrong.  Did I hurt you?”  I didn’t reply to Marcus’ question as I ran into the bathroom struggling to breathe and calm myself.  I splashed cold water on my face in hopes of putting out the fire that was burning through my veins.

“Amari, let me in.”  Marcus pleaded through the door.  He was jiggling the door knob trying to get in.  I looked at myself in the mirror trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
 In the two weeks since Mulo visited me, I have been having these thoughts and visions of us together, each one more intense than the other.  On more than one occasion, I had almost called out his name while I was with Marcus.  I didn’t know why this was happening, I felt as if I was going crazy.  I couldn’t tell Marcus but I couldn’t keep doing this.  He was invading my every thought, it didn’t matter whether I was playing with the boys, or taking the dogs for a walk, he would be with me.  The worst times would be when I was showering or when I was being intimate with Marcus I would look up and see his face.  There was rarely a waking moment that I didn’t feel his presence surrounding me.    

“Amari, don’t make me break down the door.  Baby you’re scaring me, please open the door.”  I could tell by the tone of his voice he was serious.  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I slowly opened the door.
 “I’m sorry.” I mumbled as I pulled on a shirt.

“Just tell me what’s going on.” He whispered pulling me into a hug.  I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t even know how to explain these thoughts and images I was having.  They felt so real, and it scared me.

“I want to move.” I finally said with my face pressed into his chest.

“What?”  I could understand his confusion since I had been fighting the idea of moving until he finally conceded.

“I…I just don’t want to stay in his house.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but I need the truth.  What aren’t you telling me?”

“I think I already found a house.  I was walking Fred and Wilma and I saw a nice one the next street over.  That way we don’t have to move the boys out of their school and away from their friends.”  I was hoping that I could distract him enough from latest freak out session.  I should have known it wouldn’t work.

“Baby, this is only going to work if we remain honest with each other.  I am grateful you want to move, but something brought on this change of attitude.  This is the last time I going to ask what’s going on?”  His tone was soft, but stern.

I knew it was from the concern and love he felt for me, I just didn’t want him to be hurt knowing I was having inappropriate thoughts about the one person he truly can’t stand.  He was right, I promised him a different me an honest me.

“I’m…uh, when he was here…”  I took a deep breath trying to find the right words, a way to soften the blow a bit.  “He’s in my head.  He won’t ever let me be free or happy.”

“What are you talking about?  I don’t understand, what does ‘in your head mean’?”

“I see him, I feel him.  I…I am dreaming about being with him.”

“With him how?”  Marcus had tensed but was trying to remain calm.

“With him…with him as in…”

“I get the picture.”

“But you have to believe me they don’t feel like my thoughts.  Please believe me I don’t want to be with him.”  I was holding my breath waiting on his response.  I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but I knew it wasn’t right.  He was doing something, slowly shredding my sanity and driving a wedge in my marriage. 

“I believe you beautiful.”  He said the words I needed to hear, but I don’t think either of us was convinced.  Marcus did agree to go see the house if nothing else good came out of me slowly losing my mind, at least we would be out of his house and that meant a lot to Marcus.  When the boys got home from school, we went to look at the house. 

They weren’t excited about moving until they spotted the pool.  They were sold at that point.  Moving wasn’t going to get him out of my head, but at least I would finally be free from him financially.  That included getting me a new car.  The other one would be given to Ceula when she returned home.  She was coming back soon and although I wasn’t happy about it, she was getting more involved with Trey.  He’d been with her the last few months and he was trying to get his life together.  Bynni said she was happiest when he was there and that’s all I really wanted for her.  When we arrived back home, we were all excited about the new house.  The agent said there were no other offers and the owners were anxious to sell.  Things could be finalized quickly.  As I walked into the house, an intense pain shot through my head causing me to stagger a bit.
 “I’m starting to take offense to you rejecting what I give you!”  

“Mom are you ok?”  Dax asked as I dropped to the floor.

“You are doing this to prove what? You are in control of your own life? When will you learn, that is not the case?”

Dax went running to get Marcus.  “Dad, something’s wrong with mom!”  He yelled.  Marcus came and carried me to our room.  I was crying and I knew he thought it had something to do with the babies.  The pain hurt to much for me to even tell him otherwise.

“Boys, go see if Mr. Carter is home.”

“Is she ok?  What’s wrong with her?”  I could hear that they were scared.

“She will be fine, just go check for me please.”  Without another word, they both ran from the room. 

“Amari baby tell me what’s wrong.” 

Please stop.  You’re hurting me!

“And you’re hurting me.”

“Marcus what’s going on?”  Both Carter and his cousin entered the room.

“I don’t know.  We got back from looking at a house and she just doubled over in pain.”  Jonas took the boys outside but before Carter could even examine me, the pain stopped. 

“I’m, I’m ok.”  I croaked out.  “It was just a cramp.”  Carter still checked my blood pressure then called my doctor to schedule a check up for tomorrow despite my protests.  Marcus had a worried look on his face and wanted to take me to the ER.  I had a hard time convincing him I was ok, but finally I did.  There was a light knock at the door before Jonas poked his head in.

“The boys wanted to check on you.”

“You can let them in.”  They both ran in and scampered up onto the bed.  After reassuring them that I was fine, I was outnumbered five to one and I was put on bed rest for the remainder of the day.  Carter and Jonas stayed over for a while playing with the dogs while the boys and Marcus filled him in on the new house. 

“I’m sorry.”

No you’re not!