Sasha was no longer an effective stand in and neither were the parade of groupies that I was going through on a nightly basis. I was glad she was back in town now. I was tempted to follow her on the trip but I managed to restrain myself. I was trying to be alone with my thoughts but my phone kept ringing. After the third call I finally got up to answer.
"Mulo. It's Ceula." her words were slurred. I had been drunk dialed by Amari's teenage daughter.
"Where are you?"
"Your house silly...where do you think I am? The elevator's not working"
"That's because I have to buzz you up."
I punched in the code and buzzed her in. I debated on whether I should call Amari now or wait until I got her sobered up a little first. After she walked in the door, I decided on the latter.
I could not believe how she was dressed. The see through shirt, super short skirt and heavy make up made her look a lot older than her 17 years. She stumbled over and gave me a hug. She reeked of cigarette smoke and several different alcoholic drinks.
"Taxi?"
"Where are you coming from?"
"I dunno...can't remember the name of the club."
I walked her over to the chair and she just slumped down into it.
"Coffee is bad for me."
Right. The logic of a drunk person was always amusing.
I got up to make her some coffee when she sat up and shoved her arm towards me.
"Here, do it."
I wasn't sure what she meant at first but when she cocked her head to the side exposing her neck I understood why she was here.
"Or does it need to be from my neck. Is it gonna hurt? I hope it doesn't hurt." Then she squeezed her eyes shut tight. I remembered then the conversation Amari and I were having when she went into labor.
"I'm not going to turn you Ceula." She opened her eyes and tried to stand.
"Why not! Aric's like you and you did Bynni so why not me?" She stumbled forward and it's no surprise being in her condition and with those shoes she was wearing. I caught her and sat her on the couch. This was not the ideal situation in which to have this conversation.
"You hate me too. Mom hates me I know she does even though she says otherwise and you do to that's why you won't do it."
I put my arms around her to try and comfort her.
"Not turning you isn't a punishment. You don't want this life. And neither of us hate you. You shouldn't be carrying this guilt. If blame is going to be assigned, then it would fall on me."
"But she's so sad."
"That's my fault too."
I sat there holding her while she cried until she fell asleep. I carried her upstairs to the spare room.
I knew the impact I had on Amari's life but didn't know my actions would so adversely affect the lives of her children as well. I figure this was all part of Marisol's plan. Nothing is ever simple with that woman. I still didn't know what she had against Amari's father, but I do know that my feelings for Amari just made her worse.
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"Hello. Where is she?" Get in and out quick that was the best way.
"She's still sleeping. Would you like something to drink?"
"No. I should just go get her. I'm sorry she bothered you last night?"
"Let's talk. She'll be down shortly."
He lead me over to the sofa. I was trying hard not to make eye contact. I wished he would go put on a shirt.
He caressed my hand and we both knew just being near him was a struggle for me. I was temporarily glad CeCe walked in when she did, that is until I saw her.
"Morning mom."
This wasn't my child it couldn't be. The clothes the make up, how could this be the same person.
"What in the hell are you wearing and why did you come here? How did you get here?"
"I'm sorry mom. I went out with friends and I had too much to drink and I wanted to see Mulo so I took a cab from the club."
She was out drinking. How did I not see this change in her?
"Look at you. Do you know something could have happened to you?" I was so angry yet relieved she was ok. I hugged her tightly. Her make up was smudged from crying. Had something happened to her?
"Honey why did you need to see him?" I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer to that question. She wouldn't meet my gaze.
"I just wanted to see him." I felt like she was hiding something but I didn't want to get into it here.
"Ok. Let's go. We'll talk about this more later."
She ran over and gave him a hug and whispered something in his ear. He just smiled at her.
"I'll wait in the car." I felt him grab my hand as I tried to follow her out.
"I've missed you."
"Please, don't do this." I tried to close my thoughts off to what I was feeling, to how he was making me feel. I tried to think of the hurt and pain he caused me. The role he played in how things were working out for me but him being so close. Him touching me.
"You've missed me too." he said kissing me tenderly.
"I...I..."my breathing got deeper and he knew he was getting to me.
"I need to go. She's waiting." and with that I ran out of the door. I pressed the elevator button repeatedly hoping that somehow it would speed up it's arrival. I kept glancing back at his door thinking it would open at any moment but it didn't.
