Chapter 99-Harsh Reality

Marcus paced around my room pausing every so often to look at me. He started to speak but stopped several times.

“What does that mean? Half-state, bonded, his? What the hell is going on with you?” He was getting pissed again I could see it. This time he was at least trying to keep his anger in check.

Rolling the tension out of my neck I took a deep breath as I tried to explain my situation. “The half state is just that. When he attacked me he didn’t give me enough of his blood to completely change me. I got some improvements such as I no longer need my glasses, my hearing has improved, and I’ll live longer than the typical human because I am aging slower.”

“Ok, and the downside is…”

“The downside is that until he sees fit to finish the job we are bonded. He can hear my thoughts, I can hear his. We have a strong mental connection that allows us to communicate that way no matter the distance.”

Marcus gave me a bewildered look when he heard that. “Hear your thoughts? Like in everything, always?” I knew what he was asking without him having to actually say the words.

“Yes, but no he wasn’t around when we…he um left, put up a block. I can tell when he’s there and when he’s not. The moment I opened the door and saw you he was gone.”

He looked as if he was skeptical but I guess he rather not think too hard on somebody else being sort of present during a time like that.

“Why do you continue to live like this? Why not just have someone else complete the change?”

“Do you think I want to be like this? If I had a choice?” I asked sounding very exasperated. “He has to do it. If someone else, another vamp tries I could die. Something about mixing of vamp blood in my system.”

Marcus walked around more as he processed everything. I walked over and took a seat. He was having a hard time with this, hearing the rest was not going to be any easier.

“Have you tried? How do you know he’s not lying to you?”

“I’m sorry but I’m not willing to take that sort of risk with my life.” I snapped at him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” He said kneeling in front of me. “This is a lot to take in and I’m trying to understand.” I saw the anguish in his eyes and I wanted to make everything right again.

Mulo took him away, but I made it worse by going to look for him. I wanted him back, my children deserved to know their father, but at what cost? No matter how this went someone was going to be hurt and that someone was most likely going to be me.

“It’s late and I’m tired.” I said standing. I was suddenly very aware of the fact I was in my bedroom, our bedroom alone and that fact made me very uncomfortable.

“Is that your polite way of asking me to leave?”

“Well unlike you, I still require sleep. I have an extremely hard conversation ahead of me tomorrow.”

“I understand.” He said turning to leave. “But we’re not done here.”

“Marcus why?” I asked becoming annoyed with his persistence. “What’s left? You know enough to make the right decision. I won’t keep your kids from you, so why keep dragging this out? It’s not fair.”

“So you really want me to just go?” He asked looking disappointed. “Would it really be better for me to just sign the papers and be a part time father to my children?”

“Yes. Two of your children are adults and the others are teens that will be adults soon so…”

“So I’ve already missed out on being their father why start trying now?” He finished for me sounding angry.

It was a painful reality but it was the truth. Mulo had robbed him of the chance to raise his children and that was something he couldn’t get back.

“I'm not saying you can't still be a great father to them, I have no doubt they will welcome you into their lives. But, as far as we are concerned, I've already messed up your life once. I mean look at what being with me has cost you so please go be happy with Florence." Marcus closed the distance between us pulling me into his arms. I should have pushed him away, but the sense of calm I had being in his arms again kept me in place. "I’m sorry.” I said softly.

“For what?” He asked rubbing small circles in back. 

“For all of this. The first time we reconnected, I should have tried harder to push you away. I should have never let you get close and I should have never fallen in love with you.” It was that last part that really was the downfall of everything. I was selfish for wanting something I knew I couldn't have when he agreed to all of my craziness.

“Was I happy with you?”

“What?”

“When we were married, was I happy in the life I chose to have with you?”

“Yes.”

"Do you regret your time spent with me?"

"No, of course I don't. I made a lot of mistakes and I wasted a lot of the time we had together. That I regret. And I regret what's happened to you because of me. But being with you, being your wife was wonderful."

“Then you have nothing to be sorry for.”

After Marcus left I laid awake for a long time listening to the silence of the house. Sleep didn’t come easy since I couldn’t stop replaying the conversation I had to have with the kids. It was close to ten a.m. when I rolled out of bed the next morning. I headed into the kitchen to make me a cup of coffee but stopped when I walked into the dining room. Slowly I walked over to the table and picked the papers that were out of the envelope. I read the note on top three times.

Your papers have been signed. I won’t show up again

unannounced. Call me after you talk to the kids.

Marcus

I flipped through to the last page and saw his signature sitting there in bright blue ink. It was done. A part of me held out hope that he would pick me. Being with him yesterday, I foolishly let myself hope that I might get some sort of fairytale happy ending. However the harsh reality of my life was staring at me, there on the last page of papers I sent to him. I didn’t even get a chance to fully let that heartbreak set in because someone was ringing my doorbell. I stuffed the papers back into the envelope and wiped away the tears that had started. She was the last person I needed to see standing in my doorway.