Chapter 95-Another Life

I wanted to meet the kids but Amari wouldn’t allow it. She said it wasn’t fair to put them through what she’s dealing with especially the triplets. She briefly explained to me what she had been going through with them. Not only had she raised two somewhat rebellious twins, she was now faced with doing so with triplets. My heart went out to her with all the stuff she shouldered and managed to keep going. I finally saw things her way and agreed it was best that they not be involved right now. I had things I needed to sort out and until I made a decision on how to handle this I would stay away from my children. Even if it pained me to do so. Now as I headed back home, I struggled with what I would tell Florence. Having the wife I think she could handle since I obviously had no clue about any of this, but telling her I had children already when she wanted to be the one to give me that. That conversation was going to be harder. 

As I pulled into the drive, Florence came out to greet me. She jumped into my arms, showering me with kisses.

“Mi sei mancato.” (I’ve missed you.) She exclaimed holding on to me tightly.

It was almost as if she knew our upcoming conversation wasn’t going to be pleasant. I had already explained to her that I had in fact located the mystery woman but I didn’t want to talk about everything over the phone and being so far away. I know that didn’t help ease her fears but I thought that it was a conversation best done in person.

“Odio stare in questa grande casa vuota da solo.” (I hate being in this big empty house alone).

My arms tighten around her slender waist. Her smell, one that I have known for so long, now seemed strange. The kiss I shared with Amari flashed through my mind. It was brief, but it was enough to let me know she wasn’t some stranger like she wanted me to believe. I remembered the feel of her body pressed against mine, the sweet taste of her lips, all of it was very familiar and felt very right in that moment. I pulled free of Florence, reaching into the car to get my bag. I was here with one woman, but thinking of another. It was wrong and I felt guilty doing so.

“Hai fame?” (Are you hungry) She asked taking my hand and giving me a hopeful look as we walked towards the house.

“No, I’m fine.” I replied seeing the look of disappointment that flashed across her face.

“Sempre con l’inglese.” (Again with the English) She responded with a little pout.

I looked down and smiled at her expression. I loved her, that hadn’t changed. I couldn’t say that I loved Amari, all of that hadn't returned, but there was a draw there for me that was very strong. It wasn’t something I could just ignore and it made the choice I was faced with that much harder. Leaning down, I placed a loving kiss upon her full pouting lips.

“Vado a prendere una doccia veloce e poi vi dirò del mio viaggio.” (I’m going to grab a quick shower then I will tell you about my trip) I replied giving her a little wink before picking up my bag and heading upstairs.

I stood under the warm water trying to figure out what I was going to say. When I closed my eyes I saw the sadness in Amari’s that she tried to hide. It was frustrating to know I didn’t have the whole story, my whole story. Parts of my life were still a blank. She did tell me that my parents were still alive and that I had sisters. I wasn’t ready to face them yet since it would be hard to explain things I didn’t fully understand myself. She just kept saying I needed to stay in Italy, to enjoy my life here. She wasn’t sure on the legality of things but she would sign divorce papers if needed so that I could be in the clear to marry Florence. I tried to push for why but she would only say it was better this way. Better for me but refused to say why. There was something she was holding back, something that was major and I didn’t know how to get it out of her. I couldn’t make any decisions without the full story no matter how much she pushed me to do so. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t even hear Florence enter and my surprise at her presence wasn’t missed on her. She hated that she could never sneak up on me so to feel me jump when she wrapped her arms around me was not a good sign for her. I could feel her anxiety and I hated that she was feeling that way.

“Dimmi domani.” (tell me tomorrow) She whispered against my back.

Amari’s POV

“So can I mom?”

“Huh? Can you what?”

Finley flashed me a look of annoyance when she realized I hadn’t been listening to her. The moment she stepped off the bus she started in talking a mile a minute about something that happened at school. Even if my mind hadn’t been preoccupied I would have had a hard time keeping up with her.

“Moomm I was telling you how awesome scouts sounded. I wanna join.”

“Are you sure you don’t want ballet or something like that?”

“Ew no!” She exclaimed scrunching up her nose in disgust. “Really mom, its like you don’t even know me.”

“I’m so sorry dear.” I replied laughing. “You’re right what was I thinking. I’ll be sure to get you signed up for scouts.”

She gave me a big hug then happily ran off into the house. My little tomboy, she would rather climb trees and go on deep sea missions instead of playing with dolls and pretending to be a princess. She was a special child, a complete free spirit. Adventurous and seemingly scared of nothing. 

As I went to start dinner my thoughts went to Marcus. His memories were still fragmented and I tried my best to undo the mess I caused. Then I remembered the way he looked at me when I was leaving. He knew me, he remembers bits and pieces of us mostly high school and college. He had that same look that I had, like he wanted to act on feelings but was holding back. And he was, because of her. Florence, his other life, the easier life. He hadn’t called since he left, and as much as I didn’t want to read anything into that, I couldn’t help but take that as a sign.

“Ow. Shit!” I screamed.

“Mom you ok?” Edson asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Yeah. I was careless and cut myself.” I replied going over to the sink to wash my finger. “Can you go get me a band aid please?”

“Yeah sure.” 

He returned a few minutes later handing me the bandage.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” He replied turning to leave. “Hey mom.”

“Yes.” I replied throwing out the contaminated food and getting fresh ingredients from the fridge.

He looked as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what.

“Nothing. How long till dinner?”

“Bout half an hour.”

“Ok.”

“Edson. Is there anything you want to talk about?” I asked hopeful that maybe one of them was going to open up to me. 

"No. I'm gonna go finish my homework."

Things hadn’t progressed much passed the minor thaw they had when I first returned from Italy. I tried to talk to them, find ways to connect but it was like they didn’t want to. They were instead just serving their time until they could move out. I didn’t want to say I was giving up on having a better relationship, but there was only so much I could do before simply accepting what I have. 

After dinner the kids cleaned the kitchen. Elphie read Finley a bedtime story, they each took turns with that honor. With them all settled in for the night I took a quiet moment to myself outside.

“Wishing upon a star Love?”

“Why are you here?”

“Because you need me here.”

“Really? I wasn’t aware of that.”

Mulo walked over and sat on the other chaise. We sat there quietly staring off into the night. 

He was waiting on me to say what he already knew I was feeling but I wasn’t sure I was ready to say the words out loud.

“I’m tired Mulo.”

“I know Love but you can’t give up yet.”

“Why because I still have to produce ninety one children? I don’t see that happening. I have nine children and only one of them hasn’t hated me at some point. It’s still too early to tell which way Finley will go.” I said with a heavy sigh.

“You have raised all of them on your own. Through the ups and the downs and although it hasn’t been easy they have all turned out great in the end.”

"Is that your version of a pep talk?" 

He smiled and shrugged slightly.

“Oh Mulo.” I said sitting up to look at him. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“You make it sound like a punishment.” He replied sitting up so that we now faced each other. 

"Well it depends on the day."

"I suppose that's fair."

I had loved him at one time and if I really wanted to be honest with myself, a small part of me still did and probably always would. However it would never be what it was before. I was different now, I had changed, grown, and been through more than any person should have to. Most of it related directly and indirectly to him. Yet sadly he was the constant in my life. For better or worse, he was there.

“I was happy with him.”

“I know.”

“You destroyed my family; you took that away from me. You robbed my kids of a relationship with their father.”

“I did.”

“Now he has her. A happy non complicated life. He can have a relationship with the kids without having one with me. I’ve lost him.”

“Well considering their history, although brief, you can’t expect it would be easy to simply walk away from her. He is after all a good man. Which is why you loved him.”

Taking a steady breath I stood glancing up at the stars. They sparkled so brightly against the dark sky. I fondly recalled the nights when Marcus and I were dating. We would just spend time at the park watching the stars and planning our perfect future. Life was good and uncomplicated then. And maybe it could have still been that way had I never left home, but then I wouldn’t have my kids. So which life would I chose if I could? That was a question I would never answer because the answer didn’t matter.

“Why can’t you be a good man?”

“I’m not sure I know how.”

“You only have to try Mulo.” I said quietly before turning and heading into the house. I left him sitting there but as I walked away I could have sworn he was feeling something that almost mimicked shame.