Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Chapter 83-The Best Policy


Telling Dax and Dunham was harder than I thought it would be.  Dunham took it harder because of his current situation.  He didn’t really want to talk to me for a few days especially when I wouldn’t tell them who the father was.  I still had to tell Jonas and Carter and I didn’t want them going over there making accusations.  I had promised to tell them after I talked to the father.  I however put that off for two weeks as I tried and tried to figure out what I was going to say.  Jonas’s schedule also helped in the delay.  Now that his paperwork for his official transfer had come through he was working his 48 hours on 24 hours off at the station.  I really didn’t want to have that sort of conversation around ten other firemen it gave me an excuse not to tell him right away but I wanted to tell him before I broke the news to Carter.  However today was the day.  When I sent him the text telling him I wanted to see him he was all too eager to accommodate me.  I was happy I still wasn’t quite showing but I made sure to dress in looser fitting clothes to be on the safe side.  
 I arrived at the restaurant first the hostess seated me and I ordered a drink while I waited for him.  I toyed with the straw in my lemonade watching the ice cubes swirl around.  I really would have loved to have something stronger but that was no longer allowed. 
“Sorry I’m late.”  Jonas spoke coming up behind me and giving me a kiss on the cheek.  “Hope you weren’t waiting long.”
“No I just got here a little while ago.”
“You look good.”  He commented taking the seat across from me.
“Thanks.  It seems like forever since we’ve had a chance to talk.  The fire station keeps you busy.”
“Yeah, the new guy gets the crappy shifts.  Have you ordered already?”
“Nope I was waiting for you.”
He signaled for the waiter and we placed our orders.  We made small talk about how things were going.  I filled him in on Dunham and Embry’s situation letting him know I decided to just give her a small lump sum so she could purchase what she needed.  Our food arrived and we ate mostly in silence.  
“Jonas, thanks again for agreeing to meet me today.  I know you’ve been tired and busy and I won’t take up too much more of your time.”
“It’s not problem.  I was happy to hear from you truthfully.  I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
“How’s Carter?  We haven’t talked much lately.”  That was more my fault than his because I was avoiding him since I found out I was pregnant.  Before I thought I would be able to put what happened with Jonas and I behind me and get back some sort of a normal relationship with Carter, but from the moment that test showed positive I knew that was no longer an option.
“He’s good.  Been working out a lot and I think it has more to do with his trainer than him actually wanting to be there.  He may be developing a crush.” 
“Really?  Um, wow, that’s…um if that’s the case then I’m happy for him.”  The idea of Carter dating never really registered with me before, but now hearing that he might be interested in someone left me with mixed feelings. 
“Yeah he’s eating better and he talks about her all the time.  I’ve met her, she’s a sweet girl and seemed to be just as interested in him.”  He leaned forward and took my hand.  “You know this could be a very good thing.  For us I mean.”
“Jonas.”
“I know, I know we would still need to take things slow for his sake. But Amari this might…”
“I’m pregnant Jonas.”  I said cutting him off.  “There’s no going slow, no way at all because that night, the one we were trying to keep from him is coming back to bite us, me, in the butt.”  Jonas sat back in his chair giving me a stunned expression.  He was at a loss for words as he tried to process what I had just said. 
“You’re pregnant.”  I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement but I answered him anyway.
“Yes, pregnant.”


“I’m gonna be a dad.”  He still sounded shocked as he looked down at the table but as he looked up at me the biggest smile formed on his face.  “I’m gonna be a dad!”  He said again but this time with excitement.  He got up from his seat to pull me into a hug twirling me around which drew stares from the tables around us.  Once he let his excitement settle down the heaviness of what lay ahead dawned on him.
“Let me tell him.  I think it will be better that way.”
“I can’t let you do that.  I’m the one that broke his heart; I need to own up to what I’ve done.  No matter how hard it’s going to be.”  Jonas stepped up and pulled me back into an embrace.
“You didn’t do this alone.  Let me at least be there when you talk to him.”
“No, it will be better if I do this alone.”  It took a little convincing but he finally agreed to let me talk to Carter on my own.  I knew I had to do it soon and the thought of that made me sick to my stomach.  It had been three days since my talk with Jonas.  He started calling or texting me several times a day checking on me, making sure I was feeling ok.  It was sweet yet slightly annoying since I still wanted all of this to be some sort of bad dream.  However as I stood outside Carter’s house waiting on him to get to the door I knew it wasn’t.

“Amari, hey how are you?”  He asked giving me a hug.
“I’m good.  Are you busy or can we talk for a bit.” 
“No this is fine.  We haven’t talked in a while.  Would you like something to drink?”  I took a seat on the sofa as I shook my head no.
“I’m good.  So how have you been?  You are looking good.”
“Thanks.  I’ve lost about 5 pounds since I started working with Victoria.  She’s got me on a program and I’m even cooking more.”  He sounded so happy; it crushed me knowing what this talk was going to lead to.
“That’s great.  Jonas told me you were seeing a trainer.” 
“Yeah she’s great and helping me get healthier so it’s a win win.”   Pebbles came over to greet me as I sat down.  “So how are the kids?”
“Everyone is doing well.  Things are still a little shaky where Dunham is concerned but we are working it out.”  He put his arm around my shoulder pulling me a little closer to him. I placed my head on his shoulder taking solace in the comfort of my friend at least one last time.
“I know things have been a little off with us, but I’m still here if you need to talk.”  I don’t know if was the hormones or the weight of the situation but I broke down in tears.  I couldn’t help it; my life was a train wreck with one disaster after the next and no matter what I did there always seemed to be collateral damage along the way.  Like the good friend that he is, Carter sat there and held me while I cried being sweet and encouraging and everything I needed like always.
“I’m sorry Carter.  I am so very sorry.  I never meant for any of this to happen.”  I finally managed to say once I calmed down.  Carter got up to bring me a box of kleenx.
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.  I was wrong for dumping my feelings on you like I did.  I mean I was hoping…nevermind it doesn’t matter now.  I um care about you and that won’t change.”  The tears started again hearing his statement.  It would change; it would change sooner than he knew.  Unable to sit any longer allowing him to comfort me, I got up and started pacing the living room.
“Amari what’s going on?  You are very upset about something.  Just tell me so I can help you.”
“You can’t help me, not this time.  No matter what I want you to know and truly believe that your friendship has meant the world to me.  You…you’re a great guy and you will make some lucky lady very happy one day.  You deserve that, to be happy and with someone that won’t hurt you ever.”
Carter looked at me, the confusion about my rambling clearly showing on his face.
“I did something.  It wasn’t intentional but it happened all the same.  I’m sorry Carter please know that I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Amari you aren’t making sense.  Are you in some sort of trouble, on the run from the cops?  What’s going on?”  He came over to stand in front of me looking like the sweet understanding guy he always has been since that first day I met him.  “Whatever it is, as your friend I’ll be here for you.  So just tell me please.  Seeing you this upset worries me.”

Unable to put it off any longer I took a deep breath then spoke.  “I’m pregnant.”  I heard his intake of breath, but he didn’t say anything.  “By Jonas.”  I whispered.  I looked up and I saw his heart breaking as he stood in front of me.  I waited on him to say something but he stood there with all color drained from his face. 
“Jonas as in my cousin Jonas?”  I nodded my head yes.  “So you couldn’t be with me but you could sleep with him?”  I heard the pain and anger in his voice.  “Why, why would you do that?”
“I didn’t plan on sleeping with him.  I never saw him as anything more than a friend like you.  But I wasn’t thinking clearly and there was so much going on and I’m sorry.”
“When?”
“When what?”
“When did this happen?”
“The same day you told me you loved me.”  I sighed.  “I left here went home only to learn that my teenage son was in a sexual relationship with his adult tutor and was going to be a father.  It was too much.  Aric came over, I went out and he happened to be at the bar I ended up in.”
“So your excuse for sleeping with my cousin the day I tell you I’m in love with you is you were drunk?”  In all the time I had known Carter I don’t recall him ever sounding so angry.  He was hurt the day I told him we could only be friends but even that was nothing compared to how he sounded and looked at this moment.
“I’m not making excuses Carter.  There is no excuse for what I did.  The next morning I instantly regretted the mistake I made.  You are the last person I ever wanted to hurt.”
“Would you two have told me if you hadn’t ended up pregnant?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.  I was, and am so very ashamed of what I did.”
“So you two would have continued to have your trysts behind my back and lying to me.”
“We aren’t having trysts.  It was one regrettable night Carter, that’s it.  Jonas didn’t understand why I was so freaked out by what we did until I told him.  I convinced him to not say anything.  I wanted to simply pretend it hadn’t happened.”
“Is there anyone you don’t lie to Amari?”
“What?”
“You claim to hold things back because you are trying to protect those around you but I am starting to think it’s more than that.  You didn’t want to tell Marcus about his children plus you held things back from him where that Mulo guy is concerned.  You keep things from your children, your mom.  I thought I was immune but I guess not.”  I wanted to defend myself.  Those were all different situations and couldn’t be treated the same.  I wanted to tell him that I truly thought keeping things to myself would help to spare those around me heartache and pain.  When Marcus found out about Mulo it crushed him.  When my mother learned the role my dad played in my current situation it hurt her more than she wants to say.   
Honesty is not always the best policy and as I stand hear listening to him, feeling and seeing the hurt that my honesty has caused him just proved my point more.  I wanted to defend myself but I didn’t.  He was angry and hurt over my betrayal and I would take his insults and accusations because I deserved them.
“My cousin and the woman I’m in love with, well was in love with are having a baby.  Congratulations.” 
“I’m sorry Carter I really am.  You are the last person I ever wanted to hurt and I didn’t do this on purpose.  I hope one day you can forgive me.” 

30 comments:

  1. Uhm wow. She told both of them. Finally! Carter took it better than I'd expected. Aw@ Jonas, so excited to be a daddy, maybe him and Dunham can exchange diaper horror stories.

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    1. Yes there was no way around telling them. Jonas would have figured out it was his baby and she couldn't tell Jonas without telling Carter. :( He's angry with good reason but he is a sweet guy so he didn't blow up too much on her.

      He is very excited to be a daddy.

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  2. Jonas is such a sweetheart. But I guess that's not much comfort considering Amari's situation, with Marcus missing and the effect this has had on Carter, and of course how the pregnancy has effected her relationship with her sons.
    I can see how Amari would take Carter's reaction as more reason to keep her secrets and lie rather than reveal difficult truths. But in the end her secrets always come out to bite her in the ass.

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    1. He is and he will make a great daddy. The whole situation is just bad for her so this is not a pregnancy that brings much happiness sadly. Seeing him angry and hurt did reenforce her idea that keeping things might be better. She has yet to learn that the truth coming out later has really disastrous results.

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  3. This made me start to think just how much she is really possibly bringing on herself. Carter's words are truthful. She has withheld very sensitive information that maybe would have been better having been communicated from the beginning to a lot of people. I can partly understand why she felt she was protecting people, but after lie after lie only dug her deeper into things, maybe it wasn't the best way. Her conclusion that honesty isn't the best I am sure will come back to bite her. Poor Carter. He's such a good guy and really didn't deserve this. I am sure it is a slap in the face to him. Mulo had better get his butt into the picture and fix things. Very emotional and thought provoking update.

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    1. She is in a bad situation but in some cases she does make it harder on herself. His words were very true and hopefully they will make her think about her future actions. She's only tried to keep people from being hurt but it has never worked out like she planned.

      Carter is a great guy and didn't deserve this, but things happen. :( Mulo does need to clean up the mess he helped create.

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    2. I know... Mulo needs a nice good punch in the nose....
      Something that I also caught, Amari was feeling a bit odd when Jonas mentioned that Carter may have found a girlfriend. (Jonas' wish I presume) but Amari became a bit upset about that possibility... maybe she cares a bit more than she expected...

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    3. yeah he could use that and a good kick in the ass. :) You picked up on that. Yeah she wasn't quite sure how to feel knowing that Carter could be seeing someone. And that would be Jonas' wish since he really would like to date Amari.

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  4. Hmm, since I just jumped in reading this chapter all I can say is wow..I will have to read more to determine how I feel about the characters.

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    1. Starting here you may be a little lost. I never made a summary so the only way to really know what all is going on is to read. You can message me and I can try to give you the cliff notes version.

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  5. Hi Jazen, I enjoyed the update and glad that Amari finally told the truth and even though it may not seem like it to her, she did the right things so that friendships can mend in the end. Did I miss something somewhere, I thought Jonas was a cop when I sent him to you, when did he become a firefighter? Don't worry I'm sure he makes a good one.

    Silver

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    1. Yes hopefully those friendships can heal. Honesty is usually the best way because every time she's tried to hide something the outcome was worse. He was but since David (Carter's first roommate) was a cop I changed his profession.

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  6. Ouch! That's gotta burn for poor Carter. I think Ms. Amari should probably stay away from the bottle when shit gets real. I can understand with all the stress that's thrown at her, she'll turn to the bottle but there are better ways to handle stress. When life gives you lemons, you throw the lemons back at it, not make lemon drop martinis and drink em LOL

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    1. Yeah it hurt. He loves her and she sleeps with his cousin. Very soap opera-ish :) She should stay away from the bottle and now she will for at least a few months. But hey lemon drop martinis are yummy. LOL

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  7. Well, Jonas took the i'm gonna be a dad part pretty good...poor Carter didn't take it well at all. I don't think it's the actual fact that she's pregnant or that it's by Jonas that's upset him so much, I think it's more of when it happened and that it was kept a secret so long.
    Amari nooo.....it may seem like keeping things from those you love is a good idea at first, the problem is is when those you've hid things from find out. Things tend to get ugly really fast=/.
    Hoping things get better quickly for her...edenz~

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    1. Yeah he was very excited but sadness for Carter. He was/is upset about all of it but the fact that it was the same night makes it worse. On top of her keeping it from him. :(

      Well maybe she'll learn but who knows.

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  8. Poor Carter. Its nice to know he's found another woman though. At least Jonas will be there for her.

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    1. Yes this was a sad chapter for him. Jonas will be a good daddy.

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  9. lol noticed the diesel shirt :) poor carter I like him he is so nice.

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    1. He is nice and has been a good friend to Amari.

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  10. Jonas took that well, good for him. Way to be a man. I like him. Poor Carter though, I knew he wouldn't take it well (that would be pretty much impossible), but I hoped anyway. He's just such a sweet guy. I hope things blow over enough to mend their friendship, though I'm guessing total forgiveness would be a bit of a stretch, but I hope she also learns to just face these things as they happen to prevent these heartbreaking situation in the future.

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    1. Yes, he's a good guy so he would be there for her no question. Yes poor Carter :( seeing him hurt is why she didn't want to tell him. Had she not ended up pregnant she wouldn't have. He is a sweet guy and he doesn't have it in him to hate her, but it will take some time for him to deal and process everything. The baby is a constant reminder to it makes things harder. Let's hope she learns, but you know our characters can be a little stubborn.

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  11. Poor Carter :( I feel so bad for him! He is in so much pain and it's hard to try and deal with something like that "You're now the cousin of my baby!" really? I know she said it wasn't on purpose but his anger was justified. It was a mistake but still one that should have been avoided.

    Jonas seems very pleased about having a baby with Amari. He seems to really care for her which is funny to me because when he first came around I swore he was nothing more than a hound dog but he seems much different than that. I love that he is trying to take care of his baby though and constantly checking on Amari!

    Very, very hard to read but the emotions were raw and real!

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    1. :( this was not a good chapter for Carter. To learn his cousin and the woman he's in love with are having a child, very sad. She never discounted his right to be angry nor did she try and stop him from unleashing his feelings. It was a mistake and her seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle didn't help her.

      He is very pleased. He's had a crush on her and truly cares about her. LOL he was not a hound dog but he was flirty. He's gonna want to be there to help her with their child.

      It was hard to write because I didn't want to hurt Carter. :(

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  12. Oh, poor Carter! I was happy that he had found someone else, but Amari still hurt him. I hate that this is probably the end of their friendship, but I can understand his feelings. I loved Jonas' reaction to the news and the fact that he wanted to be there to tell Carter.

    I still feel so sad for Amari too! She just can't be happy for long. Her father ruined her life! I hope that she can be happy again soon.

    Great update, Jaz!

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    1. The thing with his trainer is at crush level. She's cute he likes being around her but she was more a distraction. :( So hearing that from Amari hurt a lot. I don't know if it will be the end, but it is being tested currently.

      Jonas was very excited at that news. I know I have a hard time giving her happy. She just takes it all one day at a time.

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  13. Great update! I hope Carter doesn't hold it against Amari forever. They were such good friends! Amari deserves some happiness! :)

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    1. He won't hold it against her forever but he's angry right now. She does but I have a hard time giving it to her. :(

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  14. I had a double treat for me this morning, didn't realize I'd missed a chapter, but enjoyed the discovery...ah, telling the truth, hard. It was painful to see Carter hurt, but Amari was honest with him from the get-go..Jonas took to fatherhood almost immediately...loved the boys graduation and the following wedding, and the new grandchild is sweet..she and baby Fin will be great friends. Mulo just has to continue to lurk, but the house is going to be an awesome gift for the newlywedded parents...these two chapters really tied up a lot of loose ends, so I am anxious to see where it might go next.

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    1. Yes telling him the truth was painful, but had to be done. Jonas is very excited about being a dad. It will be strange not having the twins in the house anymore. They have been around for the longest time so moving on seems off. :( Dunham is now a married man and father. Both little girls turned out very cute and I can't wait to see how they look as they get older. He does continue to lurk around and do things, but this time the house was a very nice gesture.

      Almost done writing the next one.

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