Chapter 127-One Day At a Time

“So Mom did you go bankrupt or something?” Dax asked as he pulled the hand truck loaded with boxes into the house.

Dunham and Aric followed behind him carrying a few more. The girls were all working on setting up the cribs since the nursery was the first room I wanted put together.

“No, sweetie. Why?”

“Because I’m pretty sure you could afford movers instead of breaking child labor laws by making us do all the heavy lifting,” he answered while dramatically wiping sweat from his brow. His siblings all laughed before agreeing.

“Well, since I have thirteen children, nine of which are eighteen or over, I see no reason why I should spend money when I have free labor,” I replied giving him a kiss on the cheek before shoving him out the door to get more boxes.

I had planned on hiring movers, but Elton and Edson had offered to help and that snowballed in having all the kids helping out. Finley had gone with Marcus to help him with the quads while I got things settled here. Since our last fight, Marcus and I barely spoke. We managed to be civil for Finley’s graduation festivities. We were both supposed to go with her to find her an apartment in Bridgeport, that trip was coming up in a week and I’d tried to back out of it, but Finley was insistent on the fact she wanted both of our inputs. Marcus and I had been separated for nearly two months now and it still hurt like hell when he’d come to pick up or drop off the babies. An entire weekend with him was going to be a struggle, but I was going to do it make Finley happy.

“Hey Mom,” Bynni called out. “Do you want the cribs arranged any special way?”

I smiled when I saw her walk out to the hall. My one child that swore off children was expecting her first child. TK had moved from the performing side of things into producing so he didn’t travel as much. I remember laughing when she told me she hoped she didn’t end up with a kid like her. They’d just found out the baby was a boy, and she was relieved. I didn’t have it in my heart to tell her boys could be just as troublesome. I’d let her find that out on her own.

“No, not really. I guess two on one wall, two on the other, and the changing table against the back,” I answered, walking towards her.

Ignoring her shirt, I ran my hand across her expanding belly. I missed my babies and was eager to get things situated so they could come home. Work had already been done in their room, but there was more to do in the rest of the house and I didn’t want them here while that went on. It would be noisy and messy so Marcus was keeping them until all the redecorating was completed.

The week on, week off agreement we had was chosen to try and minimize impact on their lives but they’d been cranky and not sleeping well so I feared it was doing more harm than good. There’d been a few times I thought about bringing up a possible change in our arrangement, but I held back. I decided to just wait until I’d gotten moved and settled then we could discuss it.

The rest of the boxes were unloaded and stacked in the appropriate rooms. My furniture was being delivered tomorrow. I’d left everything at the other house. The new buyers had wanted some of the pieces and the rest was donated. I was starting over. Again. I tried to look at this as the new beginning this move was supposed to be when I first left Riverview. I hoped if I told myself that enough times, I’d start to believe it.

Once everything was unloaded, the kids were all chatting and hanging out. I suspected they hung around because they were all worried about me. None of them mentioned what was going on with me and Marcus, it was that thing no one wanted to bring up. Their lively conversation and laughter drifted into my room. Things hadn’t always been easy, but they’d all turned out to be amazing people and I was proud of each of them.

“What’s next?”

I turned to see Elphie standing in the doorway. “What do you mean?”

“For you. What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” I replied with a shrug. “Focus on being a mom. Harass my adult children about visiting and calling more. Snoop into their love lives, bugging them for grandchildren. That sort of thing. Speaking of, what happened with you and Richard?”

Elphie just started shaking her head and laughing. “So basically you have too much time on your hands.”

“When your sisters and brother aren’t here, yeah, lots of time on my hands to focus on the rest of you. Aren’t you excited?”

“Nooot really,” she replied rolling her eyes before hugging me. “Seriously Mom, are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, each day gets a little better.”

“So you two…”

“Is a topic I don’t really want to talk about.”

“What topic?” Elton asked walking in. “Are you trying to not hurt her feelings by naming me as the favorite child?” he asked me while playfully punching his sister in the arm.

“In your dreams Dork!” she said punching him back.

 

“You are both wrong,” Aric commented joining in on the conversation. “As first born that makes me the favorite by default.”

A full blown debate ensued and they attempted to drag me into it for confirmation. I gave the best and true answer declaring them all my favorites which of course was met with statements that I was trying to simply spare the feelings of those not favored. It was close to midnight before they all left.

The next day I worked on unpacking some of the boxes for the kitchen while the crews I’d hired to remove the ugly wallpaper were hard at work in Finley’s room as well as the master bedroom. Hearing a car pull up, I glanced out the window and smiled when I saw Carter.

“This is a surprise,” I said, hugging him tightly.

“Sorry for not calling. Vicki is out shopping with her mom, so I figured I’d stop by before heading home.”

“No worries, I could use a break,” I replied, shutting the door behind him. “No furniture yet, but I have a few folding chairs I can grab. You thirsty?”

I headed into the kitchen to grab drinks while Carter set out the chairs and pushed a stack of boxes closer to act as a table.

“So how is Vicki?”

“She’s doing good. Not sick at all this time around unlike last time.”

I gave Carter a warm smile as I handed him his drink. I was happy for him and Vicki. There was a time when I’d thought our friendship would have been ruined. While I was happy that we were able to repair things, it still saddened me that it was Jonas’ death that brought us back to this point.

“What?” I asked when I noticed him staring.

He shrugged. “Nothing…just seeing you with,” he stopped and pointed at my drink. “Guess it still takes some getting used to.”

“Oh sorry, if it makes you uncomfortable…”

“No, it’s fine. I guess with everything that went on, I hadn’t fully processed you being different.”

“Well, if I’d had a choice in the matter, I don’t think I would have chosen this.”

“Why not?”

I started to answer, but then shook my head. “I’m not unloading all my issues on you. So are you and Vicki going to find out what you’re having this time?” I asked, changing the subject.

“I know what you’re doing,” he replied as he sat his drink down. “But no, Vicki wants it to be a surprise.”

“Well I have you guys covered with clothes one way or another. A lot of them still have tags because they are outgrowing them so damn fast. They are growing too fast,” I added with a heavy sigh. “Before I know it, they will be walking and talking then leaving me to move across country like Finley.”

Carter’s rich laughter filled the room. “I think they have a few years before they will even consider college and they may not move. But I do know how you feel; I’m going to miss her too.”

“It’s strange, you know. I mean clearly I’ve done this leaving the nest thing a few times, but with her, after everything she’s been through, I don’t want her to go. But…I can’t keep her from following her dreams, so whether I like it or not, next week we’re taking her apartment hunting.”

Carter leaned forward to take my hand. “I understand, but just remember you’ve raised her well. She’s an amazing young lady and Jonas would be proud of the job you’ve done with her.”

“Thanks Carter. You always know how to say the right things to make me feel better.”

“I do have great a bedside manner. It’s what makes me so good at my job.”

“You being a kick ass doctor is what makes you good at your job.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he replied a laugh. “So…you said we, who is the we exactly?”

“Huh?”

He gave me a ‘don’t play dumb’ look and I got up, picking up our empty containers and carrying them to the kitchen. I threw away my empty carton then rinsed out Carter’s glass to buy myself some time.

“You know who the other party is, Finley insists on us both going for some reason.”

“Maybe because you two are her parents,” he replied, walking over to the peninsula. “And I take it from your reaction and avoidance of the subject, things aren’t heading towards a reconciliation.”

I gave a short laugh, “Not even close. We can’t be in the same room without every conversation heading towards an argument. I have no idea how we are going to spend an entire weekend together.”

Carter walked over and hugged me. It was nice to have someone care without any other expectations. The kids cared, I knew they did, but it was different. Even though they were adults, every time I looked at them I felt guilty for not being able to give them that ‘complete’ family. I’d made so many mistakes and it always seemed they paid the price. I’d deluded myself into thinking things would be different this time around and that my youngest children wouldn’t be collateral damage.

“You’ll get through it because you’re a great mother and you know how much this weekend means to Finley. Because of that, you and Marcus will put aside your issues and focus on her. You’ll be fine.”

“Maybe I should hire you as my therapist.”

“Sure thing, I’ll even give you the friends and family discount,” he said with a wink.

“How nice of you.”

“I’m a generous guy. But in all seriousness, have you thought about going that route?”

“What, back to therapy?”

“Yeah, but…couple’s therapy. Maybe that’s what you guys need.”

I shook my head. “Marcus has no interest in saving our marriage. Too much damage has been done. I’ve done too much damage and he’ll never trust me and there’s no marriage without trust.”

“So this is really the end? He’s filed for divorce? You guys were barely married a year.”

“Um…no he hasn’t, but I’m sure it’s coming.”

“So… a legal separation?”

I shook my head.

“So, you guys aren’t legally separated, nor has he filed for divorce, but…you don’t think he’s interested in saving the marriage. Typically people that don’t want to be married to someone take the necessary steps to end that marriage.”

Carter gave me a big smile as if he’d stated some painfully obvious fact that was meant to give me some sort of renewed hope. I was acutely aware that Marcus had yet to make any official move outside of leaving. I was even aware that like me, he still wore his wedding ring, but unlike what Carter was implying, I knew it had nothing to do with him wanting to stay married to me.

“It’s a nice thought, but it’s more about timing. Finley graduating, both of us moving, it’s all been about finding the time. I’m sure now that the house has sold he’ll go file and he’ll move on to find himself a nice woman that loves him.”

“He’s married to a nice woman that loves him.”

I gave him a slight smile. “Loves only him,” I clarified. I took a deep breath and buried my face in my hands.

“Ah. The other night Vik and I were watching one of those entertainment shows. She loves those things and they were doing an interview with some actor she loves. Anyway, something he said now I realize can apply to you.”

“How so?”

“Well he’s been divorced a time or two I guess…”

“Hey, I’ve technically only been divorced once!” I said, playfully punching him in the arm.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Carter exclaimed throwing his hands up in mock surrender.

“What I was going to say before you attacked me was he made a comment about loving two people. He said something to the effect that if you love two people you should be with the second because if you truly loved the first there wouldn’t be a second. That is what made me think of you, not the divorce part.”

“Oh…well…” I heard the sound of squealing brakes; turning to look out the window I saw the furniture delivery truck.

“Guess that’s my cue to leave before you put me to work.” Carter gave me another quick hug. “Think about what I said.”

As I walked Carter out, I did think about what he’d said. Sadly it still didn’t seem like a simple solution because I now wondered which man could be considered first. Yes, Marcus and I dated and he was my first love, but after the death of Amella everything changed when I moved. I didn’t think myself to still be in love with him when Mulo blew into my life. It was later that I fell back in love with Marcus. Now I found myself faced with the chicken and egg question. Which came first?