Chapter 97-Giving In

Cleaning up after four children was exactly how I didn’t want to spend my morning. Breakfast dishes washed, beds made, all that was left was to start the never ending laundry. Then Fred, Wilma, and I could go on a nice walk to the park. The doorbell rang as I started down the stairs with one of the baskets, and they started barking. The person on the other side quickly rang it three more times which made them bark louder.

“Fred! Wilma! Be quiet. I’m coming, stop pushing the button.” I called out as I headed towards the door. “No, no, no.” I said when I saw Marcus’s smiling face.

“Good morning to you as well.” He said stepping inside.

“What are you doing here?” I asked closing the door. “I asked you to give me notice. I didn’t think that was an unreasonable request.”

“I needed to talk to you.” He replied placing the envelope in his hand on the table. I knew exactly what that was the moment I saw it. “And I waited until I thought the kids would have left for school. So we are in the clear for our secret rendezvous.” He added with a wink.

I massaged my temples as I attempted to keep control of the frustration I was feeling over him just showing up again.

“Marcus.” I said slowly. “You have my number and email address. If you needed to talk, you could have used either of those avenues. And they both a much cheaper and quicker options over hopping on a plane.”

Marcus gave me an amused smile and I tried to ignore the warm feelings it gave me. “Probably, but I rather do this in person.” He answered looking over at the envelope.

“You didn’t have to drop off the signed documents to me. There should have been a return envelope in the package. My lawyer would have sent me a finalized copy once everything was filed with the courthouse. But thank you for bringing them by.”

“Yes there is one in there, but it seems all very impersonal. Can we sit and talk for a moment? Please?” He asked giving me a pleading look. As much as I wanted and needed him to be gone, I also wanted to prolong anytime I may get to have with him.

“Fine. I need to start the laundry. You can wait in there.” I answered pointing towards the doorway that lead into the living room.

Marcus quickly moved past me, smiling as he held on to the basket. If all he came to do was deliver the papers, I wished he would stop being so him because it was making a hard situation that much harder.

“Lead the way.” He said as he waited on me to show him where to go.

I let out an annoyed breath, but decided against protesting. I was very aware of him watching me as we walked down the stairs into the basement.

“Just put it down in there.” I said flipping on the light to the laundry room. I took a step back as he approached. “Thanks, I’ll be just a minute.”

“No problem.” He said turning to wander around the basement.

I tried not to pay attention to him as he started playing a game of darts. I really wished he had called not only so I could have prepared the kids, but so I could have prepared myself. After turning on the machine I slowly counted to ten before turning to exit the room. I hoped whatever it was he needed to say would be done quickly.

“You have a really cool basement.” He said looking over his shoulder at me.

“Yes well I had nothing to do with the design down here. You were in charge of this space other than my art corner.”

“Ah, makes sense now. I would love to have a space like this.”

“The kids really enjoy it. It’s the hang out place when they have friends over.”

“So you are the cool mom on the block. I can see that.” He said turning to look at me briefly. “Care to join me?”

“No thanks. How’s Florence?” I didn't really care, but I felt I needed to keep as much distance as possible when dealing with him. Bringing her up was a good way to remind me my time with him was over.

Marcus stopped his game. He looked a little forlorn over the mention of her name. “Unhappy at the moment.”

“I imagine this must be hard on her.”

Marcus crossed his arms; cocking his head to the side he gave me an inquisitive look.

“Yes it has been. She’s feeling a little threatened right now because she thinks I’m going to leave her since I have kids with you. I’ve tried to explain to her that I just need to figure things out, but she’s angry with me right now.”

“Maybe she’d feel better about the situation if you weren’t traipsing all over the world to see another woman.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He answered with a light laugh. “But in my defense I told her she could come with me but she declined.”

Hearing he wanted to bring her along caused mixed feelings. I wanted to be angry that he would have her here as he essentially dumped me even though I knew that was irrational. I was thankful that she declined because the thought of having her here, of having to see them together would have been torture.

“Well,” I said clearing my throat. “I’m sure knowing you wanted her with you helps ease some of her fears.”

“Have you always been like this?” He asked taking a step towards me.

“Like what?”

“This self-less attitude you have. You are concerned about how this situation affects her, how it affects me, but who is concerned about you? Who takes care of Amari?” As he spoke, Marcus slowly took steps towards me. “I mean this can’t be easy on you either no matter how much you try to pretend otherwise.” He finished quietly reaching out to caress my cheek.

I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the feel of his touch. I remembered the kiss we shared at his hotel. I felt warm and secure in his arms that day. He was different yet the same and I wanted that back. I regretted that I wasted so much of the time I had with him and when I finally realized what I had all along he was ripped away from me.

 

“Stop!” I said pushing him away. “I’ve gotten used to fielding the curve balls life has thrown my way, but…” I took a slow breath as I mentally counted to ten. I didn’t know if he was doing this on purpose or if he was unaware of how his little actions made such a huge impact, either way it was making it harder to maintain my composure. The last thing I wanted to do was have a breakdown in front of him. “You’ve signed the papers so no need to worry about me. I need you to give me a day to talk to the kids. Dax is in Bridgeport right now so I’ll have to tell him over the phone after his game tonight. I don’t know how long you are staying, but he won’t be able to get back here for a few days. For the rest of them, I still need a day to prepare them then you can see them.”

“That’s doable. I have an open ticket so I can stay for as long as needed depending on how the meeting goes. But,” he said stepping closer to me again. “papers or no papers I’m going to worry because I see how hard you are trying to fight against what you are feeling. I can’t ignore that.”

I knew if he stayed much longer I wasn't going to be able to keep it together. The time apart hadn't lessened my feelings for him if anything they had increased.

“I need you to go. Now.”

“Why?”

“Because this, you being here…I take care of me, Marcus because I’m the only one that will. And you being here, being like this, it is hard for me. So very hard. I’m grieving over the loss of you for a second time. So go. Please.” I answered wiping away the tear I felt roll down my cheek.

“Please don’t cry.” He said wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry I don’t mean to make things harder on you, I really don’t. This is all so damned frustrating. I want and need answers plus being around you feels so comfortable and familiar that I find myself doing things that I probably shouldn’t. I have memories and feelings that are coming back and they leave me torn.”

He pulled away, tilting my chin up so I could look at him. Marcus looked as conflicted as I felt and I really wanted to hate Mulo for what he has done. Using his thumbs, Marcus wiped the tears away from my face, his lips hovered above mine and he hesitated for a moment before kissing me. He started slowly as if he were testing my reaction. When I didn’t protest, the intensity increased. 

Marcus picked me up and quickly carried me over to the pool table. There was a moment’s hesitation before we both gave in to the feelings we had been fighting.

Once we regained our senses neither of us knew what to say so we dressed in silence. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say anyway. I didn’t want to hear the regret over his actions since he essentially just cheated on his fiancée.

“Amari.” He said softly.

“Please don’t. You don’t have to say anything. I can call you later.” I had told him I loved him. I'm sure he got the impression I felt that way, but saying it out loud at a moment like that then knowing he was going to leave me was something I didn't want to discuss.

“You certainly know how to wound a man’s ego.” He commented with a light chuckle.

“What?” I asked picking up my shirt and sliding it back on.

“The first time we made love you tried to run out on me. Now I get the distinct impression you are wanting to kick me out. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I wasn’t doing it properly.”

Marcus stood there leaning against the pool table wearing a cocky grin. There wasn’t a trace of sadness or regret showing on his face. I couldn’t help but to smile, in a classic Marcus move, he used his odd sense of humor to lighten the mood.

“Well it’s a good thing you do know better; we can’t have any damage to your fragile ego.” I replied shooting a quick glance at the pool table. I laughed thinking about how mortified the kids would be. “But,” I continued with a heavy sigh. “we both know that what just happened…”

“Don’t say it.” He said cutting me off. “Don’t say it because it didn’t and doesn’t feel that way.”

“That’s because you are here right now, but when you go home, to her, it will be different. We shouldn’t have done that Marcus.”

“I know.”

I was not doing myself any favors. I was already struggling to be around him and now I’ve gone and slept with him. I went from being his wife to being the other woman.

“Amari, I need to know why.”

“Because you are engaged to be married to another woman.”

“Not why, what we just did, but why you think I’m better off without you. Things are coming back slowly and not in any particular order but there is a huge chunk that remains dark. Those are the memories that I think contain the answers that you are trying to keep from me and I want to know why.”

“Marcus you weren’t in some accident, this was done to you deliberately to keep you from me. Isn’t that enough of a reason to make you realize I’m no good for you?” I stated pulling away from him. Marcus grabbed my wrist pulling me back against his body.

“No it’s not. I’m not now and I don’t think I was then a man that runs away just because things get hard. I’m not saying this is easy, and I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I at least deserve to make the choice, a fully informed choice, for myself.”

“What does it matter? You’ve signed the papers so we’re done. Just give me my day to talk to the kids. But, we’re done Marcus.”

“You’re wrong.” He said quietly turning me to face him.

“About what?”

“We’re not done. I haven’t signed the papers. I couldn’t, I tried but I couldn’t and I won’t until I know why.”

I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to be happy and excited but I couldn’t. I was just scared that he was prolonging this situation and it was going to hurt ten times worse when he walked away. Fred and Wilma started barking then I heard the thud of book bags being dropped on the floor.

“Mom?”