Chapter 75-Letting it out

By the time Saturday arrived I was relieved it was the weekend.  Mulo has shown up everyday right after the boys left for school.  I felt dirty sneaking around like this; it was almost as if I was having an affair all over again.  Shirley hadn’t returned to work yet so I hadn’t had to come up with an explanation as to who Mulo was.  The hours he spent here were tough.  He had his faults but he was a good father, he always had been.  He treated Bynni and Ceula no different from Aric and was there for them when they both needed that father figure.  Now seeing him with the triplets and seeing how much they adored him left me conflicted.  On the one hand they should adore him, he was their father, but on the other I would rather them not be able to know their father.  The silence in the house was always my enemy. It left me with time to think and wallow in my own private hell. 

Dax was out practicing his driving skills with Carter while Dunham had gone to a movie with a friend.  I suspected he had a girlfriend.  He was wearing cologne, taking longer to get ready in the mornings making sure he looked ‘just right’ before leaving.

 He had almost missed the bus a few mornings.  I wanted to ask him but I figured it would be an awkward conversation to have with his mom.  Aric eventually let me meet Nina and Bynni reluctantly let me meet TK so I decided I would just wait it out.  Besides that was my only choice since my attempts to pry information out of Dax had failed.  He would simply smile and pretend he didn’t know what I was talking about.  Those boys were sticking together which made me happy in a way.  It meant their relationship was definitely on the mend so I didn’t mind too much if they were joining forces against me.  I laughed to myself as I remembered the look of absolute horror on their faces when I attempted to have ‘the talk’ with them.  It was a bittersweet moment since I’m sure that would have been a father/sons talk.  With five kids in the house, I was able to keep myself busy with cleaning.  Something was always dirty. 

I was finishing up as Dax and Carter returned.  Although he was busier now after his latest promotion, Carter still found time to help.  I would be lost without him and Jonas especially when it came to teaching the boys to drive.  They were a very important part of my life, my family and I cared for both of them deeply.

“Hey mom Carter thinks I’m ready to take my driver’s test.”  I cringed at that thought.  I hadn’t taught any of the kids to drive.  Mulo took care of with the older three.  I tried but I would get so nervous I thought I would get sick. 

“That’s great dear.” I croaked out.

Both of them laughed at my distress.

“It’ll be ok Amari.  He really is a good driver.”  Carter put a reassuring arm on my shoulder.  None of the kids had ever been in an accident so I’m not sure why I got so nervous about them driving but it was the only thing I refused to do.

“Sweet!” Dax exclaimed as he checked his text messages.

“Hey mom can I head out?  Couple of the guys are getting together over at the rec center for some flag football.”

“Yeah, go have fun.”

“Thanks mom.  Oh and can I have some cash?  We probably will grab pizza afterwards.”

I gave him thirty bucks, he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek then ran out the door.  Once he was gone Carter turned to me looking very serious.

“Can we talk?”

“Of course.”  We headed into the living room.

“You can tell me it’s none of my business but…”  He took a deep breath rubbing his hand over his face.

“Carter what is it?” 

“A few days this week I was going to stop by after my shift before heading home and I saw you with Mulo.  I know you two have a history and with Marcus--- well what I’m getting at is isn’t it a little soon, I mean do you think it’s wise to be…”  Carter was flustered and nervous.  I felt the shame and embarrassment over what he thought was going on.

“Oh, that.”  I said sliding onto the couch.

“Like I said you can tell me it’s none of my business, but considering…um your health I’m concerned.”

This is the situation I dreaded happening.  Someone seeing him coming around and getting the wrong idea.   Only I thought it might be one of the boys or perhaps Cece considering she also lived close now.  I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about what to tell him.

“Would you believe me if I told you it’s not what you think?”  I asked wringing my hands together while shooting him a side glance.

“Yes I would.” He answered without hesitation.

I twirled my thumbs as I considered telling him what I had done.  He and Jonas were my only friends and I had come to depend on them and that friendship heavily.  The idea of having their view of me tarnished was a painful thought but I needed to tell someone.  The guilt and secrecy was eating me alive.  I had found myself needing to have a glass of wine or three in order to sleep most nights.  I took a deep breath.

“It’s not what you think but it’s just as bad.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He’s here to visit the triplets.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Be…be…cause they’re his.”  I sobbed.  He didn’t respond, instead he pulled me close while I cried.  “Oh Carter I’m terrible.  I…I never thought I could do that, but but I must have.”  I continued crying letting everything I had been holding in come tumbling out.

“Shhh.  It’s ok.  Just take a deep breath.”  He gave me a few moments to collect myself.  “Now explain ‘must have’ don’t you know?  It’s not exactly something that could happen without your knowledge.”

“Yes but I…I don’t remember.  I told you Mulo was different and the triplets, their eyes.  It’s the only explanation.”

Carter rubbed small circles on my back as I started crying again.

“But you don’t know for sure?”  I didn’t know if that was a statement of disbelief to himself or a question directed at me either way I shook my head no.  Carter turned me to face him then wiped the tears from my cheeks.

“I don’t believe you would do that to Marcus I don't care how confused you were at the beginning of the marriage.  And for you to not remember something as big as committing adultery and the fact you also lost those three days are very troubling.”

I threw my arms around his neck.  I was relieved he was his usual logical self and didn’t rush to pass judgment or think the worst of me.

“Thank you!”  I said giving him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“For what?”

“For being you.  I love you Carter and would be lost without you.”

“I love you to Amari.”  He replied softly.

Cries came over the baby monitor interrupting our conversation.  When Jonas got off work he came over to join us for dinner.  Dunham walked in right as we were setting the table.  When I saw him I couldn’t help but to smile.  Dax saw him and burst out laughing.

“What’s your problem man?” He asked as all eyes were on him while we tried to contain our own laughter.

“Dude you might want to wipe your face.  Not sure if pink’s really your color?”

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“You got a little something right there.” Dax said pointing at his cheek.  Dunham’s eyes widened as his hand flew to his cheek.  We all burst out laughing as he ran to check his reflection in the glass.  He shot his brother a death glare as he grabbed a napkin to clean off his cheek.  Dinner was fun and relaxed. 

Dax gave his brother more grief about his mystery girl which resulted in peas being thrown across the table.

“Dax leave your brother alone.”  I said smiling at Dunham while tousling his hair.

“Mom stop.” He said gently knocking my hand away before readjusting this hair.

“Aww hunny it’s cute really.  Your first girlfriend.  Hopefully you’ll let me meet this young lady soon.”

“Maybe.” He mumbled

After dinner Jonas helped the boys clean up while Carter helped me get the triplets ready for bed.

“Amari I was serious about what I said earlier.”

“I know.” I replied giving Elton a kiss goodnight.

“No I don’t think you do.”

I looked up at him confused as to what he was saying.

“What do you mean?”  I asked picking up Elphie to get her ready for bed.

“Nothing.”

He finished changing Edson before putting him in the crib.  He gave him a quick kiss then headed out of the nursery.

“Carter wait.” I said pulling him into my room.  “There is obviously something on your mind so just tell me.”

“It’s nothing really.  I just wanted you to know how I felt about you.  I mean about what we were discussing earlier.  Your situation.”  He added quickly

“Thanks Carter and I want you to know how much that truly means to me.”

“Yeah, well um the gaps in your memory really concern me.  I think you need to get scheduled for a CT scan just to make sure it isn’t something serious.”

“Ok if you think that’s best but I’m not sure it’s medical.”

“It has to be something, that isn’t normal.”

“Well you're the doctor.”  I knew it wasn't medical it was Mulo.  Why didn’t I think about his possible involvement earlier?  It could have been Marisol but with Marcus gone I didn’t really have anything she wanted right now.  No the more I thought about it the more I was convinced Mulo had to be involved somehow.  The only question is why, why would he do that?  Since I still didn’t feel right about this current paternity issue, I didn’t trust him to be completely honest and forthcoming about anything I asked him.  I was walking around with a pit in my stomach for a reason and it had to be more than just guilt.  Mulo claimed I asked him to cloak my memories but what if it was something else? 

After Jonas and Carter left I made the call I had avoided all week.  It was time to speak to Aric and Bynni.  Hopefully they could help me fill in the missing pieces.