Saturday, December 19, 2015

Chapter 129-Muddied Waters

I quietly watched as Marcus put on his pants, keeping his back to me. Things were at a strange place for us. That night I went to his room to shower, I was shocked when he walked in. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. I knew exactly what his intention was the moment the door opened. I could have said no, and I probably should have but I didn’t.  The rest of the weekend was spent with him doing his best to not be alone with me. He could barely look at me, and we didn’t talk about that night. He’d had an itch that needed to be scratched and I was convenient.

When he showed up at my house a week later to drop off the quads, he didn’t leave right away. He stayed, talk to Finley until she left for her date, played with the babies and still we didn’t talk about that night. Once they were down for the night, he again didn’t say a word and again I didn’t refuse him. Afterwards he left. No kiss, no see you later, he just said he had to go and he did. From there it snowballed to random late night visits. It was always the same. We didn’t talk, it was just the act, and he always left when we were done. I was left feeling used and dirty, but each time he showed up at my backdoor I let him in.

“Why don’t you stay tonight?” I asked quietly.

Marcus picked his shirt up off the floor, putting it on after casting a quick glance over his shoulder at me. He sat and started to put his shoes on, still not giving me an answer to my question. I leaned over to pick up my discarded robe, trying hard not to let the tears fall while he was still here. When had I lost all self-respect? I’d allowed myself to become nothing more than some shameful late night booty call. The sex wasn’t the same. It was intense and demanding. I was both turned on and a little scared by his domineering ways, but at the same time it lacked the intimacy we used to have. No kissing, very little eye contact, there was no emotion behind it. At least not from him.

One of the babies started to cry.

“I’ll check on them.”

“No,” I snapped. “You were planning to leave so leave!”

He started to respond, but didn’t. This whole thing was wrong and I hated myself for giving in to him. I hated I’d let him use me in such a way as much has he apparently hated the fact that he wanted the sex.

I stopped outside the nursery door. I knew they wouldn’t know one way or another if I was upset, but I still took the moment to calm down before tending to their needs.

“Hey sweetie,” I whispered, taking Gracie from her crib. “What’s all the fuss about?”

I checked her diaper, it wasn’t that wet, but I changed her anyway. I took a seat in the glider and softly hummed to her until she drifted back off to sleep. I sat there holding her for some time taking solace in the unconditional love their innocence gave me. The back and forth was not ideal, but they still smiled when they saw me or heard my voice. They loved me despite the fact that they were shuffled around constantly.

Glancing up, I looked out the big picture window to see Marcus standing in my room watching me. He was still here. Nervous anticipation twisted in my stomach. I hated feeling like I was always in the wrong when I was around him. Putting Gracie back in her crib, I gave her a kiss before slowly heading back over to my room.

“Why are you still here?” I crossed my arms defensively. All I wanted was a hot shower and my pity party alone like always once he left.

“What are we doing Amari? Why…why do I keep coming back?”

My throat constricted. That nervousness in my stomach turned into full on despair. My hands balled into fists and I spoke slowly hoping to keep my emotions from showing.

“You’re horny and I’m…easy.” My voice cracked as I said that word. I couldn’t have this conversation with him now. I wasn’t prepared.

“Amari, I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed.

“Really Marcus? You come to my patio door. You leave right after you’re done. The only thing that could make this whole situation even more demeaning for me would be if you left cash on the nightstand!”

Marcus took a step forward, his face creased with annoyance. “If you felt that damn bad about yourself, why in the hell would you let me in?” he challenged.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” I yelled. “Jesus Marcus you’ve spent so much time being angry at me, hating me, that I jumped at the first chance I had for something different. You, this, for the time that we are together I can pretend. I can fool myself into thinking it’s real even when it’s not. It hurts like hell to have you barely look at me afterwards because you’re ashamed or whatever for wanting me on any level, but I take it. I am a pathetic and desperate woman clinging to whatever scraps you throw my way in hope…” I shook my head, I couldn’t go on. There was no point in making this humiliating conversation any worse. “Just go Marcus. Okay. Just go.”

Marcus stood silent with a mask of indifference on his face. I was exhausted. I was tired of fighting for everything. I’d lied to myself. I’d told myself once Marisol was out of the way life would be good. Life would be as it should be; only it wasn’t. It wasn’t anywhere close. I was throwing in the towel. When it was all said and done, she’d won. I’d made terrible decisions that affected everyone around me and those choices had left my life in ruins. Maybe Carter was right, maybe I needed to go back to therapy. Clearly I was in need of some sort of outside help if I was allowing myself to be in this situation. I’d hurt Marcus, I knew that, but I just never imagined we’d be here, that my actions would have changed him so much.

Marcus came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. There was a time I would have relished in that action. There was a time where him holding me was all I needed to make everything seem better.

“No,” I said, pushing him away. “No. You…you don’t want me in the daylight so you can’t keep…you can’t do this. Sending mixed signals.”

Marcus stepped away. His face took on that familiar annoyed look. “So now you’re giving ultimatums?”

I shook my head. “No. I …I’m not trying to force you to do anything. I love you Marcus and I’ve hurt you. I’ve apologized, I’ve begged, I’ve regretted every action that has caused you harm. I’ve followed your lead. I’ve let you unleash your anger on me bec…because I thought I deserved it and I probably did. But…”

“But what?” His voice was tense. I knew he was going on the defensive.

It was late, I was tired and the last thing I wanted to do was get into a fight with him.
“Marcus just go.”

“No! Finish what you were going to say.”

“No? This is my house Marcus, you can’t just do what you want. I’ve asked you to leave so leave.”

He took a step closer. “No. Stop tip toeing around shit and say what’s on your mind.”

I stepped up, getting in his face. “You left me Marcus! I fucked up. I know I did and you left me for it, but then not really. You take every chance to remind me of what I’ve done wrong. You look for any and every opportunity to make me feel even more like shit than I already do. I have to be selfish at some point. I can’t keep being your doormat!”

“Isn’t this what you want in a man? One who tramples all over your feelings, makes your life hell, but can still get you all excited? It seems to work for him!”

His words were a one, two punch right to the gut. They knocked the wind out of me and left me speechless.

“I’d say you’ve been selfish plenty. That’s what’s gotten us to this point. Your selfish, self-centered, closed out way of thinking. You would do things, you would make choices that benefited you and to hell with everyone else. You have cheated on me, you have had this affair going from the very beginning,” Marcus continued, his verbal assault picking up steam as he let loose more of his repressed feelings. “You made vows to another man, to that man, at our wedding! He’s lied to you, used you, manipulated you, yet you loved him! You ran to him at every opportunity even when I was here for you! He stole time from me and my children. He took me from you! Yet you loved him! I loved you Amari! I would have moved heaven and earth for you, yet I wasn’t enough. So no, you don’t get to be selfish this time. It’s my turn!”

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I’d thought Marcus had gotten out all of his feelings of anger and resentment in our previous fights, but I was wrong. I was so very wrong.

“So that’s what this is? Some sort of punishment?” I looked up at him, his features were drawn; angry. “You were supposed to be better than him,” I said quietly.

“I was and look where that got me. I supported you. I tried to be understanding, gave you leeway because of the situation you were in, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”

I closed my eyes, tears continued to roll down my face. There was still anger in Marcus’ voice, but I also heard his pain. I’d hurt him, I’d belittled his position, his importance in my life. In turn, he was now hurting me, making sure I felt the pain I’d caused him. It was a destructive path that left me wondering what we were even doing anymore. Why were we hanging on when things seemed to be so damaged?

“Why do you stay?”

“What do you mean?”

“This, us, this state of indecision we seem to be stuck in. Why do you stay?”

“You know why.”

I shook my head, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “No, I don’t. I want to believe it’s because you still love me. That a part of you still wants us to work out and this is just a really, really rough patch…but…” I stopped and swallowed hard. Did I really want to say what I was thinking out loud? Was I emotionally prepared to hear his answer?

“But what?”

“But another part of me thinks you only stay, that you won’t completely end things with me because you don’t want him to have me. You don’t want Mulo to win in this…competition or whatever it is.”

Marcus didn’t say anything. I waited, anxious to hear the words he’d say next. Desperate for him to deny my claims. Time ticked on. I’d changed him, broken him in a way, turned him into the angry and callous man that I’d faced over the last few months. Marcus was the best part of me and I took him for granted. My mouth was dry, my stomach ached, still he didn’t speak. His silence, each second that passed, spoke volumes.

“You’re right,” Marcus said finally.

My world imploded. Two words, that’s all it took for the last shred of hope that I had to shatter into a thousand pieces. It couldn’t be true, Marcus couldn’t have become that unfeeling, that detached from me that the only reason he didn’t file for divorce was because he didn’t want me to be with Mulo.  I tried to speak, but no words came out. The lump in my throat prevented me from doing anything other than waiting for him to leave. I couldn’t even tell him to go as I sat, dying on the inside at his admission.

“All of this, this whole situation, being able to move on would be a hell of a lot easier if I could figure out how to not love you. I’ve tried. I am trying because I feel like a fool for loving you.”

His words sunk in. My hands shook. My heart raced as fast as a humming bird. Did I hear him right? It wasn’t to keep me from Mulo.

“I don’t know if it is my pride or ego…but knowing how you feel about him, knowing I have to share you, any part of you with him…it takes something away. The feeling of inadequacy, the knowledge that I can’t…” Marcus stopped, hitting his fist against the door.
Easing off the bench, I slowly made my way over to him. I hesitated before reaching out to touch him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and waited; waited for him to pull away and push me off, but he didn’t. My head rested against his back. What had I done to this man? How could I have wounded him so deeply? So blindly?

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
I’d said those two words so much that I didn’t know if they held meaning any longer. I meant them each time they were spoken, but they didn’t feel like enough. I couldn’t think of any words that would be enough, that could truly convey how remorseful I was over everything.

“Where do we go from here?” I asked.

Marcus placed his hands over mine. “I don’t know,” he replied, removing my arms from around his waist and stepping free. “It seems we’re at an impasse. I won’t share Amari.”

“But you’re not!” I cried.

“I am and we both know it.”

“I’m here Marcus. Fighting for you! Fighting for us! I want you!”

“And when he comes back?”


“You’re here, fighting for me now, but…”

“I would still fight for you,” I pointed out.

Marcus reached out, cupping my face; his thumb slowly stroking my cheek. “I wish I could believe that. But with everything, your past actions...”

“Marcus what can I do?

“Trust has been broken, Amari. Time. I just need time to figure out if I can do this again or not.

So this is the last update of the year. I'm off to AZ to spend some time with my in-laws. Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year



  1. WHOA! WHAT?! WHAT?! HUH?! Did I miss a "continue" button somewhere? This won't do. Nope. This won't do at all.

    Well. You've certainly have a mess on your hands, dontcha, Jazen?! Seriously? You end it there when they've finally know what? Nope. I won't get into that because it's so close to the holiday where we're supposed to be gentle, kind and joyous so you...just...ugh! FINE!

    First, lemme say "YAY UPDATE!"

    I'm thrilled to see Amari and Marcus talking (because for real the start of this chapter started out a hot mess...a booty call? Really, Marcus? Are we not above this?) But as the chapter progressed I started getting a litle happier. (Not gonna lie it took til just the end for happy feelings to start because before that the gut-wrenching emotions were running rampant. You're really great at that, kudos!)

    When Amari touched Marcus and he didn't shrink or pull away or tell her to back off HA-DAMN was I happy! Finally! FINAFUCKINGLLY they started having SOME sort of connection (ignoring the hotdog and donuts connection from the start of the chapter). When everything seemed doomed there is now some small semblance of peace? No, hope? Yes, hope, that's the word. Man. I think when Amari realized he meant love and not winning I was buzzing inside just as much as she had to have been.

    Damn. Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in repressed feelings (Sorry forgot where I was for a second). That hurt really runs deep. I think therapy might be the answer for them. Marcus hasn't flat out said no (thank god!) and Amari says she is determined to win her husband back. Therapy could be the way.

    Time...that's a pretty open ended thing. But I shall continue to 'hope' with Amari.

    Cliffhangers on a holiday. You and your *unintelligible mumbling*

  2. OH! And don't think you're fooling anyone with that happy Christmas card. Ain't happening. Not today!

    1. Um, continue button? I know not of what you speak. LOL

      I thought there was a perfectly good ending. It could have been worse. :P It was worse actually. You have no idea how many times I wrote, rewrote, and rewrote again this chapter. These two...they are not making it easy.

      Woot! Yes an update. I didn't think I'd get it out, but I managed.

      They need to talk, they need to do a lot more talking, but normally that leads to fighting. This time it was the other way round. The fighting led to talking. :) Nothing worth having is easy I guess and these two are proving that. Yep, a late night booty call. Marcus gave in while at the hotel and then kept coming back for more. Amari could have turned him down, but never did. Marcus is struggling, he really is. He's almost been emasculated by this whole situation and that's the point he was trying to get across to Amari. So yeah, he resorted to sex as a way to prove to himself he still sorta had it. I hope that makes sense. LOL Lots of emotions with those two. :(

      She was surprised he didn't pull away. hahaha hotdogs and donuts really??? LMAO!!! Amari has been holding out for hope, grabbing at any little bits she could find with Marcus, so letting her comfort him in a way was big for her. Man, he gutted her there for a moment when she thought he only stayed to keep her from Mulo. Marcus is not yet that cold, although there might be a small part of him, that is doing just that. Mulo is the source of a lot of his pain, so 'losing' Amari to him would not be okay for Marcus. We won't tell Amari that though. LOL We'll go with the more positive outlook and that Marcus does still love her.

      Marcus has buried things for a long time. He tried to be supportive and understanding and since he thought he was dying before, he was happy to get what he could from the woman he loved. Now that he's not dying and is back, he's changed. No longer is he content to accept Mulo as a fact of Amari's life considering all the shit Mulo has done to both of them. That's what kills him the most and that's why he threw it in her face. Mulo has done some shit, yet she loves him. He won't share and he's very firm on that. He either wants 100% of her or none at this point. He's completely within his rights to ask that of her because no one should have to share their partner like that. Maybe couple's counseling is the answer for them, we'll see. The issue is, you can't just up and stop loving someone, he knows that, look at the position he's in. Asking Amari to no longer love Mulo is easier said than done.

      Time...yeah he needs it. He needs to see if he loves Amari more than he hates her feelings for Mulo. That's really what it comes down to at this point.

      What cliffhanger??? I don't understand. I thought that was pretty wrapped up. He made no false promises, but he also didn't outright say it's over. He just needs time to really think and process. He's just been angry and hurt instead of really dealing with things. He had a point, Mulo is gone right now, but what will Amari do when/if he comes back???

      Merry Christmas and thanks for reading. :)

      oh and on the card...well just wanted to show you them at happier times. :)

  3. Oh boy where do I start? At first it seemed to me that Marcus was trying to get even as he was screwed over too. No matter how wrong Amari was that will never give Marcus the right to do the same. Two wrongs never made a right and leading her on with sex for whatever reason is wrong. Their talk revealed a that there was a lot more going and it all revolves around the issue of trust.

    Marcus said that trust has been broken and without trust there is nothing. The question is has his trust in her been broken beyond repair. Amari made her choice and she chose Marcus. Enough time has gone by for Marcus to see that she was serious when she made that choice. She has apologized up and down and she has let him lash out as much as he needed to. However there comes a time when he has to make a decision on whether or not he can trust her again. If he can't he needs to let her go so this way both of them can move on with their lives. They really should go to marriage counseling and maybe that will help both of them put this mess into a new perspective. It couldn't hurt and it might just help.

    1. Two wrongs don't make a right, but Marcus didn't see it as 'wrong'. He wasn't forcing Amari to do anything, as he said, she could have told him no but never did. Still doesn't make it right, but just saying there were two adults in that situation and both were willing. Amari, while she was hopeful, she knew quickly what was happening with them. Just sex, as much as it hurt her, that was all it was and he never pretended otherwise. :( Their fight, led to talking, which led to Marcus opening up more and letting his feelings out. He is hurting, feels inadequate on some levels and he doesn't trust Amari. :(

      That is a very good question and one only Marcus can answer. Yes, Amari has chosen Marcus, but he wonders for how long. Mulo is currently out of the picture, but Marcus can't trust that Amari wouldn't be drawn to him again should he return. It's a valid concern for Marcus to have which is why he brought it up. Amari wants to make it right, and she's tried, but Marcus needs time. He's repressed a lot, let a lot of things with her slide but he can't anymore. He opened up the Pandora's box that held all those repressed feelings and that has to run it's course. There's no other way around it. From the beginning there have been 3 people in that marriage and it's not something Marcus is okay accepting anymore. He was dying when they first got together, he never expected to live to get to this point. Now that he's not dying, he can't accept Amari having feelings for someone like Mulo. That man has done so much to her and to Marcus, that he can't understand how it's even a competition for her heart. He doesn't understand why he has to share. :( He was brutal in his delivery of his message in this update, but it was true. She expected him to be 'better' than Mulo in a certain regard and he no longer saw the benefit to that. Hopefully he will be willing to go to counseling, but we'll have to wait and see.

      Merry Christmas and thanks for reading!

  4. Ah so they did the deed that night and almost every night since then. I don't think that was a good move for either of them especially when they were both still feeling so vulnerable.

    But at least their late night "meetings" led to them talking and laying things out for each other. They needed that, just to talk and be clear with each other. Marcus needed to vent and let out all those hurt feelings, and it's great that Amari was able to really listen to him and finally hear him this time.

    He's right it will take time. Too much happened between them, and forgetting or forgiving all of it won't happen overnight but the fact that he asked for time, means he's willing to keep fighting for their relationship.

    Wishing you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas and a great new year. Enjoy the time with your in-laws.

    1. Yep, Marcus didn't walk out of that room that night. They have continued since then and it's not made things better. They are both very vulnerable and adding sex to that situation was a bad idea.

      They needed to talk, to really talk and it may not have come out of an ideal situation, but at least they did do just that finally. Marcus is a man that can hold in some feelings and he has. More than Amari knew, he's held in a lot. She's hurt him on so many levels and she had no idea. The fact that he basically told her he feels like less of a man because of what she has with Mulo...that really resonated with her. She never operated by looking at the big picture, it was always one thing at a time and she messed up along the way. She is really starting to understand that now.

      Yes, he's not ready or able to simply forgive and forget. He can't trust her, he can't trust in her love for him based on her history. Amari can hold on to the fact he didn't tell her it was over (yet) since he said he needed time. They've been apart, but it's not been spent in a productive way. He's been angry and not really looking at fixing or mending anything. Now hopefully, this will put them on that path.

      Thank you! Same to you and your family.

      Merry Christmas and thanks for reading.

  5. Aww this is really so beautiful... I really hope they can work things out on the end....

    And a Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2016... ;)

    1. Thanks. :) It's not been easy, but the love they have for each other is still there. Hopefully they will both fight to put things back on the right path.

      Merry Christmas and happy New Year to you as well.

      thanks for reading

  6. What the....? A sort-of-a kind-a cliffhanger deceivingly giftwrapped as a Christmas gift with a pretty red bow.

    And to top off that cake --> A picture of happier times....

    I hate you...
    Merry Christmas, but I hate you :P

    1. What??? I know not what you mean. LOL That wasn't a cliff hanger...well not much of one.

      They couldn't send out an angry Christmas card. What sense would that make? LOL

      aww...I love you too JM!

      Hope you had a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

      thanks for reading

  7. ~ Ah, so they did do the deed the night of the shower! ( And since then!)
    ~ I hope they can work this out after what they have done to each other,they both still love each other that is why they both did what they did,even though they were hurting each other & their relationship more by doing so,but it did have one good out come,them finally telling each other the truth, & listening,really listening, to what each had to say (Amari! "cough,cough") so there is still hope!
    ~ Counseling I think will help as the love is still there!They can not keep hurting each other like this, Amari was letting him vent & hit out at her as she felt she deserved it, but this was the last straw,this debasement & her guilt about it, that she would have him anyway even if it is hurting her( them both,but she did not know that, at the time,she just thought it was anouther way he had found to punish her!) She had had enough!
    ~ I hope you & yours have a lovely CHRISTmas & a very happy & healthy New Year! (",)

    ~ Sorry, so long since I left a comment,but I never stopped reading!

    1. Yep, they sure did. Marcus was weak and couldn't walk away from her and has kept coming back for more. They both have hurt each other a lot lately. It's been bad with how they've acted and it was looking like they were getting to the point of no return. Let's hope Amari is truly finally hearing how much she has hurt Marcus and will see things through his eyes.

      Counseling could help them if they are both willing to go. Marcus has trust issues and with good reason. He's been pushed aside more than once so he can't truly believe she loves him as much as she says she does. Amari as been taking the hits because she felt she deserved it, but even she has her breaking point. Being used by him in that way really was painful for her but again she was looking for any little thing from him that wasn't anger.

      Hope you had a wonderful holiday as well. :)

      Thanks for reading. :)

  8. I was wondering the same thing at first. I was like "if doing it makes you feel that way then why would you allow him in" but it was explained. This relationship seems so beyond fixing it is unbelievable. Time does not seem like a good solution here. Not much of anything does really. Everything is such a mess. Where is Mulo?! Feels like we haven't seen him in forever (and I like seeing him)

    That last picture is full of lies. Very unhappy lies.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Jazen!

    1. Yep, Amari was grasping at straws when it came to the sex. He was at least looking at her, treating her with something that wasn't anger so she let it happen. :( It wasn't the best way to get them talking, but it worked. Time hasn't helped before, but then again neither have really tried to move forward to heal. Now that more things are out in the open, hopefully they can stop with all the animosity and either make a clean break or actually work on fixing things. Things are a mess, but sometimes these sort of separation/divorce situations are extremely messy. :(

      Mulo is gone for now. Amari asked for time so he's giving her that space. He's not gone far, he never is. LOL Don't worry, the story won't end without seeing him again at least once.

      LOL all of you were so mad over the picture. :)

      Thanks! I hope you had a wonderful holiday.

      Thanks for reading

  9. So here's where I put my thoughts, and all I get it gibberish. Guess that's my backwards way of saying this might not make sense. I'm out of practice.

    When Marcus said, "You're right," I wondered which 'you're right' he meant. Of course, Amari picked the worst one.
    He admitted he still loves her.
    Why didn't she use that saying that 'if you love two people, stay with the second one because if the first one was enough, you wouldn't want the second'? I guess maybe then Marcus would call himself the first one, twisting it to suit his purpose. (whether meanly or not)

    And now my time evaporates. I had 45 mins for reading, and I reread some of the previous chapters. I won't have time to put in all my scattered thoughts. I know I can come back, but well, me lately... Yeah.

    I dunno whether to strangle Marcus or nod my head in understanding. Sympathy not empathy. Try to understand, I mean.

    I guess I'll just say that with the background of my own life going on, I want Marcus and Amari to work it out. They won't be happy with anyone else, not that life and love are defined by happiness. The point is they LOVE each other, and that should surpass everything. Amari has shown it as much as she can. I guess it's gotta come from Marcus now. He says he loves her. Yeah, he's hurt, but if he doesn't watch it, the pendulum will swing the other way and he'll find himself ready to be IN love with Amari again only to encounter a spitting cobra.

    dammit. gotta go

    1. LOL okay, I will try to decipher the gibberish as best I can in my reply to you. :)

      It was easy for Amari to jump to that conclusion. With the way things have been going, she truly believed that Marcus only stayed to keep her from Mulo. Now as I said to someone else, part of that may still hold some truth, but he did admit he loves her still. That's what makes it so hard on him. He can't just walk away because those feelings are still there. Well, as for the 1st/2nd thing, Marcus could be both. LOL Helpful right??? Marcus was Amari's first love, then she left after her sister died. She fell in love with Mulo during her time away, then she reconnected with Marcus and fell in love with him all over again. So looking at it that way, where does that leave her? They both have some soul searching to do. It would be made easier if they could take a clean break from each other for a little while, but with the babies, that's not possible.

      LOL aww sorry your time ran out. If you want to come back and add to it later, feel free.

      Marcus is struggling. LOL poor guy. It's a huge hit to his ego that he's not enough for his wife. He loves her and only her and doesn't think it too much to ask for her to do the same with him, but she can't. Mulo has always been there from day 1 and that hurts him, a lot. This is the first time he's really expressing his feelings about it, so that's years of repressed feelings coming out now. It's gonna take some time for him to get it out of his system. That makes him a bad guy to some, and well, I guess that can't be helped. He wants to vent, so I let him vent (I did put him through a lot LOL). Amari is finally understanding just how much she's hurt him with her 'affair' with Mulo so that makes her more understanding than before. She has never looked at the bigger picture before, but now she finally is.

      Aww, well good to know you are rooting for them. Marriage isn't easy, people hit rough patches. Their foundation has never been strong since it started with Amari loving another man. It's taken some major hits, but it's still standing. If they can make it through this, then nothing will be able to tear them apart. They do love each other, that's clear to see. The pain they are each suffering at the hands of the other, but neither are willing to walk away show that the love is still there. That is true, Amari is trying to be patient, but for how long. Considering how much she's put him through, she shouldn't rush his process. Like I said above, she is finally seeing everything she's done to him with eyes wide open. She's gonna try to give him space and time.

      thanks for reading. :)

  10. Wait a second while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Okay, so I'm angry at both of them (shocking, huh?). It's really shitty of Marcus to use Amari like that. He can't just get his rocks off and leave. It just isn't right and I can admit that even if she isn't my most favorite person. Amari, I'm mad at her because she just took it. How many times did this happen before she actually said something? I feel bad for her this time, but also shame for her. Why does she think so lowly of herself that she'd let Mulo constantly treat her like shit and now Marcus? I really have no idea where this is going, but I still think they are better off apart.

    1. hahaha no problem...take your time. :)

      It is shocking, but it's understandable. Marcus is going through some changes right now and isn't acting like himself. :( He's dealt with a lot from Amari and now that he's opened Pandora's Box on his feelings they are all pouring out and he's acting out of character.

      They've been having these secret hook-ups for a few weeks I guess (I keep time vague). She took it because, as she explained, she was happy he wasn't angry at her for at least a little while. She feels like she as to atone for how she's hurt him so she let it happen and had a pity party with her shame after he would leave. :( With Mulo it was sort of 'expected' from him since he was an ass and that's changed over the years as she's grown over the course of this ordeal. Marcus, well she's taking this harder, but she thinks she deserves it since she knows she's hurt him. Aww you don't think they can make it work? I have no idea where it's going either. LOL I need to figure it out.

      thanks for reading

  11. Wow! The last time I commented. I didn't see the rest of the story, but I found it. At first I didn't like the direction the story was going but I still couldn't stop reading. I had to know what was going to happen. I love this story and your writing. You are such a good story teller. I can't wait to see what will happen. I do hope she ends up with Marcus. I like him. I don't like Mulo and all that he has done to her. I don't trust him. But I do like Marcus. He had always been there for her. They deserve each other. I am crossing my fingers they work things out and stay together.

    1. You have been on a mission if you made it through all the chapters. LOL thanks for taking the time to read my little story. So happy to hear you've been enjoying it. :) Aww thank you for the compliment. It means a lot to me. This was my first story and I've tried to get better along the way.

      You aren't the only one Team Marcus. Mulo has done a lot of shit to Amari and for that reason it's understandable to not trust him. Mulo has had a lot to make up for and he's tried recently, but the recent good deeds don't necessarily out weigh all this bad ones.

      I'm trying to work it out so we'll see how things go and if Marcus and Amari can fix their relationship.

      thanks for reading :)

  12. I think this is where I stopped reading... Will try to catch up over the next few days :)