Chapter 30-A little Insight

"Come back to bed." she said wrapping her arms around me.  Her voice so sultry and full of lust a weaker man would have given in.
"You and I both know how this will end."  I replied ignoring her request.
"Yes with me getting what I want as always." she said kissing my back.
"Why do you need me involved?" I asked walking away from her.

"Because you owe me and this will be the last thing I ask of you for all eternity."
I walked outside to fix a drink. 

"Why are you so intent on this?  I don't even think it's possible for her to complete what you are wanting her to do."
"It's possible or she'll die trying, either way I get the desired effect and I'm happy."
"Why can't you just let it go?  All this revenge will give you wrinkles."
"Very funny, why are you being so difficult?" 
"You know Marisol, if I believed you had a heart, I would swear this human played some role in breaking it."  I took a sip of my drink and just stared at her.  I could see the hatred burning in her eyes even if she tried to deny it.
"My dear Mulo, I don't know what you mean.  This is just pure entertainment on my part."  I could hear the underlying tone in her voice warning me to drop it but she and I both knew I wasn't going to.
"Cut the crap Marisol.  I have done a lot of things for you over the years to those you thought wronged you in someway, but this one seems the most personal."

"I grow tired of this conversation."  She said avoiding my accusation. "Care to join me on the hunt?"
"Why don't you just tell me what this is really about, and why you need me.  You can easily compel the girl to do your bidding without my assistance. "

"You really make too much out of this.  Just get me what I want and you'll get what you want.  It's really quite simple."

"Simple."  I mutter to myself.  I should know by now when you make a deal with the devil, nothing is ever simple.  I should have known Marisol was up to something more, she wouldn't let me go that easily.  Although she wasn't the settling down type, I was always her home base you could say.  She didn't take the news so well when I told her I wanted to be free of her once and for all.  I was tired of always being pulled into her crazy revenge plots out of what I know now was some misguided obligation to her.  The night I told her I thought she was going to bring the building down.  She was gone for four years and I thought it was for good.  I was wrong, she showed up at me door asking for two things.  One a roll in the hay and two that I help her with this last thing.  I should have just said no to both.

Simple I was to get this poor girl have 100 babies.  I thought it was crazy, Marisol was not the mothering type but she quickly told me she wouldn't be taking the babies the girl was just to have them.  The girl was just a pawn in her game.  The real target was the girl's father.  I thought it would be quick and easy, meet the girl plant the idea in her head and be done.

That was not the case.  I was just as memorized by her as she was by me.  I remember just needing to be with her, to know more about her from the moment I laid eyes on her.

She was so unlike any of the women I had been around in my life.  There was a genuine innocence about her it just drew me in.  I was the one that was suppose to be in control.  She was more than a fan and I should have stopped there and just walked away but I couldn't.

I took her back to my place.  I honestly didn't have any intention of sleeping with her initially but I couldn't resist kissing her.  My first mistake, it was intoxicating and I needed more.  I bit her, my second mistake. I needed to taste her and if her kiss was intoxicating, her blood gave me a high like no other ever had.  After that I had to make love to her and I knew she wanted me to.

Being that she was in somewhat of a trance like state she had none of the inhibitions that most virgins had. 

I play that night over and over in my head in vivid detail.  I couldn't get enough of her and when she finally fell asleep I watched her for a while before taking her back to that sad place she lived.

After that night I was in trouble.  I knew she was pregnant a few weeks later and I was happy at the thought of having a real reason to continue to be in her life.  She was less than thrilled and I could understand why since she didn't have a real memory of that night.  Instead she had flashbacks which she thought was a dream.  When I explained to her what happened she took my explanation as well as good be expected in her situation.

I tried to make her life as easy as possible from there.  Giving her the beach house and setting her up with money.  I wanted to be with her, and I know she wanted me to be with her but I couldn't risk it.  It took way more self control than I think I could muster to be around her for extended periods of time.  She settled in nicely and I didn't think I could have been any happier when she gave birth to my son.  I didn't know I could feel such emotion, she had awoken something in me that I though died a long time ago.  I knew things couldn't work out for us, not knowing what she had to do and I couldn't tell her at least not then.  I had to put some distance between us, for my sanity.  Especially after seeing her pregnant with another man's child.

I don't remember ever having the urge to kill a human as much as I wanted to kill the man that had touched her.  I was too angry to notice the look in her eyes at first but when I did, I knew instantly what had taken place.  It just reaffirmed my decision to leave.  I would have stayed away until this whole sorted mess was completed but jealousy got the best of me when Aric told me about Jesse.  Coming back, my third mistake.  I have caused her so much pain and anguish since my return.

Now as I stand here thinking about tomorrow I can only hope and pray she will understand as I make my fourth mistake.

Continue Reading: "Chapter 30-A little Insight"

Chapter 29-A Decision

I drove around for hours.  My phone kept ringing so I just turned it off.  I ended up at the beach.  I sat there listening to the soothing sound of the waves crashing against the rocks.  So simple so peaceful.

I don't know how long I sat there but it was nearly dark when I finally decided to go.  I realized I was starving since I hadn't eaten since breakfast so I headed over to the diner.  I wasn't ready to go home just yet.  After dinner I decided I needed to at least check in with Bynni.  I had 30 messages.

I had just unlocked the door when I heard his voice behind me.
"Where in the hell have you been?"

"At the beach."
"All day, do you have any idea how worried we were about you?"

"I'm sorry.  I just needed some time to alone to think and clear my head."
"Some time alone or some time with him?" his voice was dripping with distaste as he spoke

"Alone." I walked passed him and headed upstairs to check on the girls.  They were both fast asleep, I would have to apologize to them in the morning.  Mulo was waiting in my room when I got there.

"Go home Mulo, I had a very long, bad day and I would like to go to bed." I started undressing for bed but he didn't leave.
"Bynni called me when you didn't come home or answer your phone."

"Well at least I know she cares."
"Of course she cares, you're her mother."

"You and I both know she hates me and she will be leaving as soon as she turns 18 in a few days."
"That's not true, she doesn't hate you."
"Whatever, it's not important.  Just go home please."
I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up over my head.

I kept waiting to hear the sound of my door closing behind him but I never did.  Instead I felt the shift of the bed as he climbed in beside me.  I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke in the morning it was Ceula beside me.
"Good morning honey." I said as I got out of bed.
"Mommy am I a bad girl?"  I looked at her and could see she had been crying.
"No of course not honey.  What's wrong?"

"Well" she said sniffling "You ran away and now Jesse is leaving so I thought it was because I may have been a bad girl."
"Oh honey.  Don't ever think that.  I'm sorry for not calling and letting you and your sister know where I was, I just needed some grown up time." I said pulling her into a hug.

It took me a few minutes to process what she had said.
"Wait, what do you mean Jesse is leaving?"
"He and Mulo are downstairs.  He said he came to tell me bye that he had to go back to work."
I tried to hide the panic on my face and in my voice
"Where's your brother?'
"Downstairs."
"Ceula go to your room."
"Why?"
"Please dear, just go."
I headed downstairs expecting to hear a brawl but it was eerily quiet. When I got to the bottom of the stairs Jesse looked as if he had just seen a ghost.  I couldn't see Mulo's face but I could tell he was saying something because Jesse was nodding his head in agreement.

"Good morning Mom.""What's going on?"
"Nothing, Jesse just came to say goodbye."

"I'll give you two some privacy." Mulo spoke without turning around to face me.  He headed towards the living room and Aric ran upstairs.
"Jesse are you ok?"

"What?...Yeah I'm fine.  Just wanted to say by to Ceula before leaving." 
I was shocked, he was just trying to convince me to he wanted to be a family and now he was up and leaving.
"What's going on?  What did he say to you?"
"Nothing, just to have a safe trip."  his voice sounded shaky.  "The truth is after you left I called Diane."
"Diane?"
"My wife...anyway she convinced me that maybe we should give it another try."

I couldn't believe this.  Yesterday he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me and now he's going back to his wife.
"I...I don't understand."
"Our relationship may be a bit unconventional but it works for us.  I love my job and she loves hers so we don't put any pressure on the other about working too much.  I'll still be around for Ceula, we can work out visitation or something."
"So that's it.  You come back into my life, tell me you love me and want to be with me.  Come into my child's life and now you decide it's really not for you."

"I'm sorry.  I will have Diane draw up child support payments."  That was the last straw.  After the last few days I was at my breaking point.
"Get out!" I yelled
"Amari, please"

"I said get out.  I don't want or need your money.  I know you were angry with me but how could you take it out on her.  She was just getting use to the idea of you being her father and you...you're a bastard and I want you out of my house!"
He didn't say anything more, he just left.  I was too angry to cry.  I needed to find out what Mulo said, I knew he had to be behind this.

"What did you say to him?" I demanded.
"I don't know what you mean." he replied coolly
"Did you blackmail him, threaten him, what did you do this time?"
"Nothing.  He simply realized that his place was not here."
I wanted to throw something at him.  I knew he had to have done or said something or maybe I just didn't want to admit to myself that I was a fool and he never loved me."
"I told you, you can't be with him."
Then he left the room.

Continue Reading: "Chapter 29-A Decision"

Chapter 28-Blind Sided

I showered and got dressed.  I was suppose to meet Jesse at ten.  When I got to his hotel he was on the phone.  He let me in then stepped outside to finish his call.  I couldn't help but to start picking up the empty coke cans and coffee cups.  I picked up a file folder off the floor and a piece of paper fell out.

Olson v. Vinson

I couldn't believe what I was reading.  He was trying to get custody of Ceula.  I was in disbelief as I read through the papers.  His hotel phone started ringing and I don't know why I answered it but I did.

  "Hello"

"Oh, I'm sorry I was looking for my husband.  They must have connected me to the wrong room."

"Who are you looking for?"

"Jesse Olson."

"He's on the phone." I hung up before she could say anything

Jesse walked back in and I shoved the piece of paper in his face.

"How could you!" I yelled
"Crap, Amari let me explain."

"Explain what Jesse?  You make me out to be some kind of a..." I couldn't even say the word.  The papers stated that none of my children had the same father and that I was unfit due to my relationship with a rock star.  Shows poor judgement

"Amari, it's not like that, please let me explain.  Let's sit and talk about it."

"No Jesse I don't want to sit down.  The things I told you were private, I confided in you and you use it against me to try and take my daughter."

"When I found out about Ceula I was so pissed at you I couldn't think straight.  Plus I was still upset about the way things ended with us."

"So you set out to take her away to punish me, to get back at me?!"  My head was spinning this couldn't be happening.  I thought he loved me, I thought he understood I didn't try to hurt him intentionally.

"Yes...no...damn it.  I don't know what I was doing or thinking at the time.  I thought that was what I wanted but then when I got here I realized all I really wanted was to be with you again."

For a brief second I almost believed him.  Was I that desperate for love and to be loved that I would actually let myself be talked into believing him.  I didn't set out to intentionally hurt Jesse but he set out to do just that to me.

"You were going to try and take her, you said I was not fit to raise my own child."
"You kept her from me Amari or do you not see what you did as wrong?"

"I was angry and hurt when I had those papers drawn up.  I never filed them with the court, I came here instead to talk to you to see how we could work things out.  I wanted to give us another try, to see where it could go.  That is if you would let me."

"How would your wife feel about that?
The look of shock on his face couldn't deny it was true.
"How...she's my ex or soon to be ex wife.  We had just separated when I took the job here.  How did you know?"
"Your hotel line rang."

"And you answered it?"

"I didn't know I wasn't suppose to."

"She's not important, we haven't been a real couple in years.  I travel too much and she rather advance her career.  I wanted kids, she didn't.  We are still friends, she drew up the papers."

"I need to go.  I don't know what to think or believe right now."  I turned to leave I needed air, I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me.

"Amari please hear me out." he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"No Jesse, please just let me go."

"No, I let you go once and I won't make that mistake again."

He spun me around and I felt his lips come crushing down on mine.

I tried to push him away but I couldn't.  I stopped fighting and started kissing him back.  The day had gone from bad to worse.  I was so confused, my life was spiraling out of control and I didn't know how to stop it.  I felt him lowering me down on the bed.  He started unbuttoning my shirt and I started getting flashes of being with Mulo last night.

I pushed Jesse off.
"Stop please.  I can't."  I got up and ran out of the room.  I heard him calling my name but I didn't stop.  When I got to my car I broke down into tears.  What was wrong with me?  I was with Mulo last night and almost slept with Jesse this morning.
"I'm not that kind of person." I whispered to myself still sobbing.  I could not believe I was so stupid, he was married.  I had an affair and a child with a married man.  Could I really believe he was separated or was that just a lie.  And he wanted to try and take her from me.  I was a good person, or at least I use to be but now I wasn't so sure.  I was being punished for something I was sure of it otherwise how could things keep going so terribly wrong for me.  I just started driving, I needed to clear my head.

Continue Reading: "Chapter 28-Blind Sided"

Chapter 27-Seduction

When Bynni got home from school I tried to talk to her about yesterday.
"Mom I'm going to be 18 soon.  Quit treating me like a baby, it's no big deal."
"Well honey you certainly reacted like it was a big deal stomping off to your room like you did.  You didn't even speak to Jesse."

"Can you just drop it.  I'm glad you told Jesse and I'm glad that Cece got to meet her dad."
Before I could say anything I heard a horn honking.
"TK's here, gotta go." then she ran out of the house.  I knew as soon as she graduated she would be moving out and more than likely moving in with that boyfriend.
Jesse came to pick Ceula up and took her to the park for some father/daughter time.

When he brought her back, he declined to stay for dinner.  I think he was still a little on edge from his encounter with Aric.

He did ask me to come by his hotel after the kids left for school the next day.  He said he wanted to finish our talk since we hadn't been able to as of yet.

 I was painting and didn't hear him come in.  Hearing his voice startled me.
"Is he here?"
"No." 
"Ceula called me yesterday and told me he showed up."
Of course she would have called him especially considering she believed him to be her father.
"Did you know she thought you were her father?"
"Yes."
"Were you planning on telling me, it might have been something I needed to know."
"I thought you did knew."
"Well I didn't, why didn't you tell her the truth?"
"Because I didn't care to."
He was so smug, so sure of himself.  I refused to make eye contact with him, it was the only way I knew how to not get sucked in by his presence.  He knew it as well and I often thought he was laughing at my attempts.
"You look stressed.  Aric told me what happened today."
"I'm fine."
"No you're not." he said softly touching my cheek.

His touch made my skin tingle.
"Were you happy to see him?" he asked as me pulled me into an embrace.  I couldn't help but look at him.

"Really?" he asked as he started kissing my neck.

It had been a while since I had felt weak around him.  I tried to maintain my thoughts.
"What...why are you..."
"Talking isn't required." he said before pulling me into a kiss.

We had shared kisses in the past and they always made we weak in the knees and left me wanting more but he always pulled back.  This time was different like he was trying to prove something.  My thoughts were all cloudy and the only thing I could focus on was being with him at that moment.  I don't remember walking upstairs to my room.  One minute he was kissing me and the next he was laying me on my bed.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought this wasn't right.  Jesse had just come back and I had maybe had a second chance.  I knew I should have stopped but I couldn't.  Every fiber of my being needed him, wanted him to keep going.

In the morning as the sun started shining through my windows I opened my eyes and saw Mulo laying beside me.

I closed my eyes again as I was flooded with the memories of the bliss filled night.  Mulo got up and started getting dressed without saying a word to me.
"Are you leaving?" I asked getting out of bed.
"Yes."
How was it even possible that he could fill me with such happiness at one moment and then make me feel like my heart was breaking into a million pieces the next moment.

"I can't continue on like this.  Living in this constant state of uncertain limbo, I just need, I want more."
"Last night I didn't hear you complaining about needing more." a smile crept across his face "Well I guess you did but I don't think you are meaning the same thing this morning.  He looked as if he was undressing me with his eyes and I instantly felt so exposed standing in front of him.  I looked down at the floor not wanting to meet his gaze.

"He came back." I whispered.  I didn't think he would but he did."

"He came back because of her, not to come back to you."
How could he be so cruel?
"He wanted to marry me. He loved me and I think he still does.  Why can't you let me just try and be happy?"  I continued in spite of his attitude.

"If you truly wanted him, loved him you would not have let me take you to bed last night!"  The words were painful to hear and I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes but he continued.
"How much do you think he would still love you or want to be with you if he knew you woke up with me this morning.?"
"Mulo, please stop."
"No you started this so let's finish it.  Would you rather have been with him last night?"
"No, I wanted to be with you, I want to be with you but I need for you to want me back."  I words were soft.  I didn't understand how he had such power to make me feel so powerless.  He didn't speak. so I continued.
"Do you want me Mulo, do you love me or do you just see me as one of your possessions?"
How could I possibly be in love with a man that didn't seem to return my feelings.
"You can't be with him Amari and to answer your question Yes."
He left before I could ask him which part he was saying yes to, the he loved me and wanted me or the possession.  I had a sinking feeling it was the latter.

Continue Reading: "Chapter 27-Seduction"