Saturday, January 7, 2012

Chapter 70-Mr. and Mrs. Smith-The Redo


The thoughts kept coming and I was working hard to try and ignore them, but it would make my head hurt.  He hadn’t attacked me again like he did that day, but he also wasn’t content to just let me live my life.  We had finalized on the house and the decorator I had hired to redo this one, just switched over to that one.  It was great because we stayed here, while the work was being done.  Keeping busy helped me control my thoughts. 

The boys wanted to continue sharing a room and picked out the décor themselves.  Marcus did give his opinions occasionally but left most decisions up to me. 

The only one he really gave input on was the nursery.  He missed out on decorating the one for the boys and didn’t want to miss out this time.  Carter and Jonas helped on moving day even though there wasn’t a lot.  The furniture all stayed since it came with the house, plus we didn’t want anything except the stuff we bought.  Moving day was bittersweet.  We had created some happy memories at that house.  It’s the home we brought the boys to when they were born.  It’s where he proposed to me twice.  It was our first home as husband and wife. 

The hormones didn’t help my emotional state so I was a crying mess of a woman when the last box was loaded onto the truck.
 “This place looks great Amari.”  Carter commented as I gave him and Jonas the tour.
“Yeah Carter, your place could really use a woman’s touch.” Jonas joked winking at me. 
“Well I’m happy to give you the name and number of the person I used.”
We finished the tour outside at the pool.  “When I’m not as big as a house, we plan on having a pool party.”
“You look great.”
“Thanks Jonas.  You don’t have to lie I’m going to feed you guys anyway.”  I laughed.  Marcus was already getting the burgers and hot dogs ready on the grill while the boys played on their new swing set.  Carter and Jonas grabbed beers from the cooler before sitting down to chat with Marcus.
“You miss me.  Moving isn’t going to change that.”  The words wrapped around me like a soft embrace.  I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the tingling sensations that were working their way up my spine.
“Are you ok?”  It was Jonas that was by my side when I opened my eyes.
“Yes, I’m just tired.  It’s hard work carrying around this much weight.”  I tried to make light of the situation, but I was anything but alright.  I thought about going to see him.  To go demand he stops interfering but that’s what he wanted.  He wanted me to come to him because he knows I have a hard time staying strong around him.  With the way he’s been invading my thoughts, I fear it would be damn near impossible not to end up in his bed should I go to his house.  I instead grit my teeth and wait for it to pass. 
“If you keep having these episodes, I’m going to put you on bed rest myself.” Marcus said coming to my side.
“I’m fine honey, I promise.”  I gave him a soft peck on the lips along with a weak smile.  We all enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and much to our surprise Wilma had her puppies.

We welcomed two new members into the Smith household, Bam-Bam and Pebbles.  They were the cutest little things.  Carter and Jonas fell in love and once they got a few weeks older, they wanted to take Pebbles.  Aric and Nina were interested in getting a dog so when I called them, they agreed to take Bam-Bam.  That night while we were getting ready for bed Marcus brought up my headaches again.
“Amari, it was him again today wasn’t it?”
“I’m fine really.  Besides it’s me that should be worrying.  You’re getting sick again.  I can tell.  You won’t be able to put it off much longer.”
“I’m just not sleeping well because my beautifully pregnant wife tosses and turns most of the night and it’s hard to get a good night’s sleep.”  I saw the twinkle in his eye as he pulled me into a hug.
“Well if you can tell your babies to stop throwing parties in the middle of the night, then maybe I wouldn’t toss and turn.”
“Oh you hear that guys?”  He said talking to my stomach.  “Mommy says you are keeping her up at night.  You wouldn’t do such a thing now would you?”  I just laughed as he put his hear to my belly as if really getting a response.
“They said they have no idea what you are talking about.  They are sweet little angels.  They take after me.”  I couldn’t help but to laugh. 
“Oh well in that case, I know I’m in trouble.”
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” he said acting as if I had hurt his feelings.  Before I could respond he gave me a loving kiss.
“Seriously Amari.  The headaches, the tension that shows on your face.  He can’t continue to do this to you!”  He was concerned and angry.  Angry that Mulo would do this but more importantly that he was helpless at stopping it.
“It’s getting better.  They aren’t as intense.”
“I should be able to help you. To do something.” He sounded tormented and the look on his face showed the pain he felt.
“You can’t.  The only way he could truly hurt me would be to harm you.  If you go to him, then…” I couldn’t finish that thought.  Mulo could hurt him and very likely would if given the chance.  “They are getting better.” I laid my head on his chest listening to the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat.
 “You are right to talk him out of coming to me.  It wouldn’t end well.”
“I want to start making fresh memories here.”  I blurted out trying to ignore the shiver that ran down my spine.
“Really?”  He said kissing my neck while walking me back towards the bed.
“Yes.  I want us to re new our vows.”  He stopped kissing me and when he looked at me, there was such happiness in his eyes.  “I was thinking about it today.  This house, the way we are getting close again, I think it’s only fitting.  I want to do this.  I want to renew my commitment to you, to us.  After all, we will have an eternity together.”
“Quit fooling yourself!”
 I waited for him to speak let me know how he felt about that idea.  My answer came in the form of a kiss so full of love and passion it took my breath away.
“I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you anymore, but you continue to amaze me.”  I felt a dull throbbing starting in my head, but I was intent on not letting him ruin this for me.
“I also think we need to properly break in our new bed.” I said with a wink.  Marcus scooped me up in his arms and that was exactly what we did.  We planned for the ceremony to be a small gathering in our backyard in two weeks.  Bynni and Ceula were still in France but sent their love and well wishes.  Ceula sounded so happy when I spoke to her.  It brought tears to my eyes knowing she was a mother, but had no idea.  I was a grandmother to a beautiful little girl.  Bynni took one picture when she was born before her new parents took her away.  I should have been there for her, but Bynni along with Trey and TK were by her side.  Aric and Nina were going to be with me along with Carter and Jonas.  As I stood looking at myself in the mirror, I was more nervous today than I was the day I married him.  I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was excited to be making this commitment to him. 
“You look beautiful mom.”  Nina said as she finished fixing my hair.
“Thank you Nina.”
When I walked outside I expected to see Marcus waiting for me, but he wasn’t.
“He just went in for a moment, said he forgot something.”  Aric spoke after noticing my look of confusion on my face.   After about 10 minutes I started to get worried, it’s not that I really believed he would leave me standing at the alter, but I sensed something was wrong.
“I’ll go find him.”  Aric always knew what I needed.  As a mother I don’t know how I got so lucky.  All of my kids were amazing and my life would be nothing without them regardless of the reasons under which they came into existence.  A small smile touched my lips as I watched Aric walk away toward the house.


“Marcus?” I called out for him as I entered the house.  There was no reply but I felt his thoughts coming from the hall bathroom.

He stepped out of the bathroom, tiny beads of sweat shone on his forehead.
“Tomorrow then?”
“Yes.”
“When will you tell her?”
“Tonight.”
“Ok, well let’s get you married, or re married.  She’s starting to think you left her at the alter.”
“Not a chance.”  Nothing more needed to be said as we headed downstairs to begin the ceremony.

When they walked outside I could tell there was something going on with them, but I was just happy he hadn’t left me.  Marcus walked over and took my hand.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.” He said kissing me on the cheek.
“You can make it up to me later.” I said winking at him.  He gave me a warm smile and then the ceremony started.  I wanted to go first because between my hormones and my nervousness, I wasn’t sure if I would even be able to speak if he went first.
“Marcus, today I offer myself to you. 
I offer you a commitment to be truthful, and faithful.
From this day forward I will be your wife, your lover,
and your friend.  I will be the person you laugh with,
cry with, and I promise to love you fully and as
unconditionally as you have always loved me.
I haven’t made it easy to love me, but you do and
for that I will always be grateful.
I love you Marcus and I thank you for taking me as your
wife and for showing me what true love really is.”
We were both crying by the time I finished.  Looking into his gorgeous emerald green eyes, I never felt happier.  He wiped the tears from his eyes then gave me a warm smile before he spoke his vows.

“Amari, the day I took you as my wife was one of the
happiest days of my life.  Today I am just has happy and honored
to renew that commitment of love to you.  I to promise to be
truthful, and faithful to you.  I will always be by your side, and whatever
life may throw at us I know we can face
it as long as we are together.  There is no other woman
more perfect for me than you and I will cherish each
and every day I get to spend as your husband.”
We shared the first kiss of the rest of our lives while those in attendance clapped for us.


It was an absolutely perfect day not only did I renew my commitment to the man I loved, but our boys reached the next stage of their life.  I was thankful that he didn’t try and ruin it by invading my thoughts or causing me pain.  I let out a contented sigh as I lay snuggled in Marcus’ arms that night.
“It’s time.” He whispered into my hair.
“Time for what?”
“Tomorrow I will go see Aric.”  I didn’t need him to explain any further.  I knew exactly what he meant.  He was getting tired again and I had wanted to believe it was because I was keeping him up.  I closed my eyes and tried in vain to keep the tears from spilling.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Are you having second thoughts about spending forever with me?”
“Never!”
“Then yes, this is what I want.”  I knew it must be getting bad for him if he was doing this now instead of after the birth.  He wanted to be there when I went into labor.  There was a chance he would be able to still make it depending on how smooth his transition went.  We spent the rest of the night holding each other until we drifted off to sleep.  In the morning, we told the boys what was going on and being the great kids that they were, they promised their dad they would take care of me until he returned.

That of course was after they quit talking about how much cooler Aric was now knowing he was a vampire.  I feared he and Bynni were going to be bombarded with questions when this was all over. The house felt empty after he left.  The boys tried to keep me occupied showing me how to play their gaming system or begging to learn to drive.  I was in no condition to get into the car with new drivers but I told them I would make some calls and get them into driver’s ed.  Marcus had been gone for only a few hours but it seemed much longer.  I missed him and was happy to see Aric’s number on my caller id.
“Hey sweetie.  How is it going?  Is Marcus ok?”
“He’s not here, that’s why I was calling.”
“What do you mean not there?”  Panic set in.  Where would he have gone?  It only was a 30 minute drive to Aric’s house even traffic couldn’t have delayed him that much.  “He left around 10 this morning.  He should be there!”
“Mom, it’s ok.  I’ll find him.”  Aric tried to calm me down but I was already in full panic mode.  What if he was in a car accident, no surely the cops would have notified me.  My thoughts were racing at where he could be.  Why hadn’t he called me to let me know he wasn’t going straight to Aric’s. 

He wouldn’t have changed his mind at the last moment would he?  Even if he did why wouldn’t he just come home and tell me?  I would be sad but I would accept it, I promised him I would accept any decision he made. Yesterday was possibly the most wonderful day of my life and today was the worst.  

************************************************************************************
House picture spam
 Family Room
Library/Lounge
Dining room

Kitchen

Backyard



Nursery


Girls room
Boys room
Hall bathroom
Master bedroom and bathroom



Basement

Workout room (in basement)
Laundry room
Amari's art corner
Marcus's office

Continue Reading: "Chapter 70-Mr. and Mrs. Smith-The Redo"

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Chapter 69-Mind Games


“I knew you would come back to me.”
“The only place I truly belong is in your arms.”
His breath was warm on my neck as he let his fangs graze across my throbbing vein. 
“I told you my love, not while you’re pregnant.”
My entire body was on fire with longing for him.  He picked me up and carried me to the bed.  In a blink of an eye, we were both undressed and his hands were roaming my body.  When I looked up at him, he had a smug devilish smile on his face and suddenly I couldn’t breath.  I started to push at this chest trying to shove him off of me.
“Amari, what’s wrong.  Did I hurt you?”  I didn’t reply to Marcus’ question as I ran into the bathroom struggling to breathe and calm myself.  I splashed cold water on my face in hopes of putting out the fire that was burning through my veins.
“Amari, let me in.”  Marcus pleaded through the door.  He was jiggling the door knob trying to get in.  I looked at myself in the mirror trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
 In the two weeks since Mulo visited me, I have been having these thoughts and visions of us together, each one more intense than the other.  On more than one occasion, I had almost called out his name while I was with Marcus.  I didn’t know why this was happening, I felt as if I was going crazy.  I couldn’t tell Marcus but I couldn’t keep doing this.  He was invading my every thought, it didn’t matter whether I was playing with the boys, or taking the dogs for a walk, he would be with me.  The worst times would be when I was showering or when I was being intimate with Marcus I would look up and see his face.  There was rarely a waking moment that I didn’t feel his presence surrounding me.    
“Amari, don’t make me break down the door.  Baby you’re scaring me, please open the door.”  I could tell by the tone of his voice he was serious.  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I slowly opened the door.
 “I’m sorry.” I mumbled as I pulled on a shirt.
“Just tell me what’s going on.” He whispered pulling me into a hug.  I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t even know how to explain these thoughts and images I was having.  They felt so real, and it scared me.
“I want to move.” I finally said with my face pressed into his chest.
“What?”  I could understand his confusion since I had been fighting the idea of moving until he finally conceded.
“I…I just don’t want to stay in his house.”
“I’m glad to hear that, but I need the truth.  What aren’t you telling me?”
“I think I already found a house.  I was walking Fred and Wilma and I saw a nice one the next street over.  That way we don’t have to move the boys out of their school and away from their friends.”  I was hoping that I could distract him enough from latest freak out session.  I should have known it wouldn’t work.
“Baby, this is only going to work if we remain honest with each other.  I am grateful you want to move, but something brought on this change of attitude.  This is the last time I going to ask what’s going on?”  His tone was soft, but stern.

I knew it was from the concern and love he felt for me, I just didn’t want him to be hurt knowing I was having inappropriate thoughts about the one person he truly can’t stand.  He was right, I promised him a different me an honest me.
“I’m…uh, when he was here…”  I took a deep breath trying to find the right words, a way to soften the blow a bit.  “He’s in my head.  He won’t ever let me be free or happy.”
“What are you talking about?  I don’t understand, what does ‘in your head mean’?”
“I see him, I feel him.  I…I am dreaming about being with him.”
“With him how?”  Marcus had tensed but was trying to remain calm.
“With him…with him as in…”
“I get the picture.”
“But you have to believe me they don’t feel like my thoughts.  Please believe me I don’t want to be with him.”  I was holding my breath waiting on his response.  I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but I knew it wasn’t right.  He was doing something, slowly shredding my sanity and driving a wedge in my marriage. 
“I believe you beautiful.”  He said the words I needed to hear, but I don’t think either of us was convinced.  Marcus did agree to go see the house if nothing else good came out of me slowly losing my mind, at least we would be out of his house and that meant a lot to Marcus.  When the boys got home from school, we went to look at the house. 


They weren’t excited about moving until they spotted the pool.  They were sold at that point.  Moving wasn’t going to get him out of my head, but at least I would finally be free from him financially.  That included getting me a new car.  The other one would be given to Ceula when she returned home.  She was coming back soon and although I wasn’t happy about it, she was getting more involved with Trey.  He’d been with her the last few months and he was trying to get his life together.  Bynni said she was happiest when he was there and that’s all I really wanted for her.  When we arrived back home, we were all excited about the new house.  The agent said there were no other offers and the owners were anxious to sell.  Things could be finalized quickly.  As I walked into the house, an intense pain shot through my head causing me to stagger a bit.
 “I’m starting to take offense to you rejecting what I give you!”  
“Mom are you ok?”  Dax asked as I dropped to the floor.
“You are doing this to prove what? You are in control of your own life? When will you learn, that is not the case?”
Dax went running to get Marcus.  “Dad, something’s wrong with mom!”  He yelled.  Marcus came and carried me to our room.  I was crying and I knew he thought it had something to do with the babies.  The pain hurt to much for me to even tell him otherwise.
“Boys, go see if Mr. Carter is home.”
“Is she ok?  What’s wrong with her?”  I could hear that they were scared.
“She will be fine, just go check for me please.”  Without another word, they both ran from the room. 
“Amari baby tell me what’s wrong.” 
Please stop.  You’re hurting me!
“And you’re hurting me.”
“Marcus what’s going on?”  Both Carter and his cousin entered the room.
“I don’t know.  We got back from looking at a house and she just doubled over in pain.”  Jonas took the boys outside but before Carter could even examine me, the pain stopped. 
“I’m, I’m ok.”  I croaked out.  “It was just a cramp.”  Carter still checked my blood pressure then called my doctor to schedule a check up for tomorrow despite my protests.  Marcus had a worried look on his face and wanted to take me to the ER.  I had a hard time convincing him I was ok, but finally I did.  There was a light knock at the door before Jonas poked his head in.
“The boys wanted to check on you.”
“You can let them in.”  They both ran in and scampered up onto the bed.  After reassuring them that I was fine, I was outnumbered five to one and I was put on bed rest for the remainder of the day.  Carter and Jonas stayed over for a while playing with the dogs while the boys and Marcus filled him in on the new house. 
“I’m sorry.”
No you’re not!
Continue Reading: "Chapter 69-Mind Games"